A has a cold this week. Complete with faucet nose and stuffy head. Who knows what else she is feeling because she can't tell me. I cannot wait until the day that she can let me know where it hurts... until then it is a guessing game, and not a fun one at that. The last couple of days she has been clingy and just a touch fussy. When she is tired though it is on. She screams and lets the world know that she is not particularly happy with her life right now. Who can blame her... I have been there with her, but at least I can blow my own nose and don't have to have someone jab a bulb aspirator up it... NOT our favorite pass time ( either of us.)
We have had a little bit of struggle the last few days with sleeping... well really with life in general. She spends 10-15 minutes before she nods off crying, screeching, and stating her opinion. I have spent those 10-15 minutes rocking and shushing and humming or singing softly to her. It breaks my heart to not really have the answer to her problems. That combined with the screaming in my face leads to a slight amount of frustration on my part... WHY can't I fix all of this for her. I have fallen into a bit of a habit, when we are having a hard time with sleep I hum Baby Mine with her head tucked into my neck. The song I hum or sing any other time is up in the air... but when she is crying and fussy it is always Baby Mine. When I want to do nothing more than run from the room screaming, I hum Baby Mine. When I want to hit a wall I hum Baby Mine. When I am wondering why the hell I wanted to be a parent to begin with I hum Baby Mine. When I am ready to quit I hum Baby Mine.
I hum Baby Mine for a very specific reason: it speaks to me as well as to A. That song reminds me that this baby is MINE. It helps me to remember the tenderness and love I feel for her. It helps me to come to terms with the fact that while placating a nearly unpacifiable baby is not my favorite thing to do... I would not really want to be anywhere else, and more importantly I DO NOT want anyone else to take my place( with the exception of my husband at times.) I as her mother am the person who should be there with her. I am the one that should be comforting her and I will never hand her off for it to be done by someone else.
So Baby Mine is a song that comforts me as much as it does her. It has been hummed to her so often when she is upset that it has become our anthem for comfort and at six months I can tell that she already has started to recognize it for what it is... our mommy and A song. I have even caught myself humming it when she isn't around to calm myself. It doesn't always work for her... but I think it lets her know that I am trying. Sometimes that is all that counts. I cannot unstuff her head nor can I ignore the fact that she needs her nose wiped. I cannot avoid using the saline drops or the bulb aspirator. These are things that I as a mommy must do, despite the fact that they seem like an odd sort of torture from her perspective. What I can do is try to comfort after it is all said and done. I like to think that I am pretty good at that part.
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