Love the one your with

Today is our son Aidan's birthday and his angel day. He would have turned two today at 1:25 AM instead at 2:10 AM he has been an angel for two years. Such a bittersweet day for us, as we watch A cruise around and look for hugs. With out Aidan's loss we could never have has A. We are aware of that fact and have made peace with it. We are so thankful for the time that Aidan was with us. His short life has had a lasting effect. We are so very grateful for the sacrifice that he made so his sister could be with us. There is no doubt that were we to have our druthers we would have Aidan playing alongside both of his sisters. It was our place however to give angels wings and we have two little angels in heaven who keep a special eye out for us because of it.
While there is a feeling of regret and sorrow that tinges this day ( and January 17 and 19) for us. when we reach past that pain there is also a sense of peace and a certainty that this is how it had to be. Aidan was held for his entire 45 minutes of life by a family member who loved him dearly. For that I am proud. He was loved and loved so dearly. He was held and cradled and he knew it. For that I am grateful. My son knew love for every single second that he was here on this earth. With that I am consoled.
Today is not an easy day. I am sure that it never will be. Two years later and the pain still feels very fresh at some points on this day. I have three children. So I hug the one that I have. I love the one that I am with. I watch as she tears my house apart systematically and I know joy mixed with my pain. I laugh instead of cry when I look at her. Tonight we will celebrate her brothers birthday...... and every year from here on out. She will know her sister and her brother, through photos and memories.... and maybe in her dreams.