Breast is best?

My daughter is approaching her first birthday, very quickly. I am still nursing her and intend to continue for at least another six months to a year. (If not longer I make no promises : ) It has not always been an easy road. In fact there were moments when it was down right difficult, for a variety of reasons.


Despite what everyone says, despite what common sense says nursing does NOT come naturally at first and it isn't easy. I had an idealistic somewhat naive view of nursing before A was born. I saw a remarkable bonding time and an amazing opportunity to give an incredible gift to my daughter. All of those things are very true. But I kind of ignored the information about sore nipples and feeling overwhelmed. I glossed over the part about there being a learning curve. Instead I took from the information that I had only the information that I needed to make a firm decision about nursing. All in all I wasn't nearly as prepared as I needed to be... although I was as prepared I think as I could be. If that makes any sense?


When A came and I was inundated with all of the problems that the books warned of and a few that they didn't. I had sore nipples and I had a milk let down issue. I had a sore tummy from a C-section so had issues with her laying on my tummy. My milk took its time coming and my daughter was not okay with that. She would latch on and then she would scream at me. We went round and round with it. Things settled down and we found a happy medium at last.


I spent the first 2 months hating nursing. I figured that I would make it through a year and then be done with it. I owed that to my daughter. So I trudged through making the sacrifice for my daughter. I love her so much and every day it got bigger and more a part of me.


A started having eczema problems at about 6 weeks. And she was miserable. There were times that I didn't have a spot on my child that I could touch. In order to save her from pain I started pumping and feeding her bottles. It wasn't long that I realized how much I loved nursing my daughter. Wait a minute what..... yes I said that LOVED nursing her. I loved the quiet times with her... I loved the closeness and I loved the bonding. I loved everything about nursing.... and I wasn't able to do it. There was a day when I couldn't soothe her with a bottle or a nuk or cuddling or rocking. That was the day that I realized that she loved it as much as I did.


So I started nursing her again and we both were happier for it. We made it six months on just my milk... and then we introduced solid foods. Slowly at first and then with a little bit more speed. My little one really took to solid foods and so we offered them often. All of a sudden her nursing slowed a little bit. I was worried... especially as I had friends who se children refused the breast when offered solid foods. So I approached with trepidation that milestone, knowing that I had to for my daughter's health. We nursed mostly at night for a time while she took to the solid foods that were offered... but then something turned it in my favor again. My daughter started crawling. She started to move further and further away from me. Even venturing to at times disappear from my line of sight. What fun what fun. She started discovering the world around her... but as she did so she started nursing more and more. It was as if as she was pulling away in some ways she was pulling closer in others. How amazing! I was so worried about her weaning herself when she started getting independent and she went the opposite direction.

So here we are approaching a year and nursing is still very important to both of us... although it has taken on a bit of a different position in our lives. These days A nurses for security I think more than she does for nurishment. Although the nourishment is there as well as the immunities... and it is a great thing. I think that for A nursing is more like the loved teddy or the blanky that most kids have. A doesn't really have a security item. I was thinking about that the other day. But what she does have is me and my breasts. A falls down goes boom, she nurses. A hears a sound that unsettles her, she nurses. A wakes up in the night and needs a little bit comfort, she nurses. I allow her to nurse whenever she asks for it, and because of that... I have become A's security blanket. I suppose that for some that is the wrong answer, but for our family it works. Last night as we were settling into bed, A woke and became unsettled... so I nursed her. I chuckled and asked D if he ever thought my breasts would become this important... he laughed and said that he had thought that they always had been.
It has been a strange journey, nursing my daughter. We have moved through mom hating it to mom loving it to babe needing it. So here goes another year of nursing. I never in a million years expected to be saying that 11 months ago.