If a day makes a difference, a year makes a life. Today our little A has finally reached that milestone... that one year mark. at 11:39 AM she turned over a new year and it didn't even faze her. I have been looking forward to this day for many many weeks more so I think than I have ever looked forward to my own birthday.
It has been a year of drastic change and marvelous discovery. I have learned a million things from A even as she has had to learn the most basic of human skills. I have watched as she has practiced doing something repeatedly without complaint (if not frustration) in order to do it right. I have seen her fall on her butt endlessly only to giggle and get up to try again. I have watched her tackle rolling over, crawling, standing up, walking, talking, eating, feeding herself, you name it she tries it, all with a determination that nearly knocks me over. The child is the definition of perserverance and determination.
A year ago I lay looking at a blanket wrapped baby wondering who this person was. Knowing that this was my child and curious about her but not really having that immediate recognition that so many talk about. I was slightly worried as I thought that this was really not the way that a new mother should feel. I watched her get passed around from family memeber to family member with a sense of awe.... but no familiarity. It wasn't until I nursed her later that evening that I felt that recognition click into place.
In the days that followed her birth I realised that there was a learning curve to loving and that we would eventually get to the top, though we weren't there yet... or so I thought. As the love got bigger and bigger and filled more and more of me over the months I started to think that maybe, just maybe I would continue to learn about love as we went on in life, continually amazed by how it grows.
A year later I know that there is no limit, there is no top. This child as she becomes a person is more a part of me everyday. Even when we have a fussy day ( mommy can have them too) the love is monumental, the joy infinate. I have spent the year thanking God every single day for my child. I have thanked God for the ability to nurse her, to love her, to hold her. All of these things that I feared I would never get. When the world starts to get me down I look at her and I smile. When life starts to get hard I get down on the ground with her to play. When I need respite I cuddle next to her in bed. Truly this is a happy birthday, with many more to come... but I feel like I am the one who has gotten the gifts.
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