Our little Ash is sick sick sick right now.. so is Daddy. Dave has an ear infection that is really messing with his equilibrium and his hearing. The doc was amazed that he wasn't in there a long time ago. Ash has been sick for weeks. This lingering cough from the virus that we all got a couple of weeks ago. She had a chest X-ray yesterday ( let me tell you that is a study in torture for someone so little). It didn't have any Pneumonia in it. But the doc said that it was stranded. I have NO idea what that means but it is apparently something we didn't have to worry too much about. They would have given her the Z-pack had she not been allergic to it. So instead they sent us home to ride it out. She has had a temp hovering around 102 most of the day and in order to get it down we were doing tepid baths and cold wash cloths. Dave and my parents went to the grocery store to get anything and everything she might eat. I guess in a way I am grateful that Dave was home from work with and ear infection today because Ash was a full time job and Taryn still wanted attention. Not to mention all Ash would do at a certain point was lay in my lap and cry. I believe that she has the flu... but we don't have a culture that will confirm that because when we were at the docs office yesterday her temp wasn't high enough for the doc to think that it was the flu.... it is now though. So we are riding it out and watching her very very carefully. That asthma that they kept warning us might come due to her having eczema and hay fever has shown its self a little bit with this cold and we have an inhaler that we use for her periodically. I am sure that it will go away when she is feeling better.... that is my hope at any rate.
Taryn was sick last week but seems better now. We are hoping that she will be somewhat protected by the nursing. Breast milk has a TON of white blood cells in it and serves as a protectant from a lot of these aspirated viruses. So keep those fingers crossed for us. She is SOOOOO much fun right now. She is smiling and laughing ( you know those big belly laughs that make you laugh with her) She is grabbing things with those little hands. Did I mention she is SOOOOOO much fun. I tickle her with every diaper change and she has gotten to the point that she laughs and giggles when I lay her down for a diaper change. I am madly madly crazy in love with my newest daughter. I worried all through my pregnancy with her about whether I could love two. I didn't want to take anything away from Ash. I didn't think I could love another child as much as I love Ash and that worried me for the new baby. But the amazing thing is that when that second child your heart just gets bigger and the love is there. I ADORE my little Taryn the tornado. She is vastly different from her sister but that just makes her all the more precious. While I adore my Ashlynn bear.. I don't need a carbon of her I have her. So I like the differences.... well most times. Taryn's temper is a little more vocal and at times I wish that she were a little more laid back but then she wouldn't be my little tornado would she.
I have a few videos that I will attach. The one of Taryn is very dark. But I want to share it because of the laughs, I just wish that you could hear them. Some day soon perhaps.
On a sad note the young lady who had me crying last time I wrote, Sydney is home with hospice care and is literally as I write in her final hours. She is only 11 and will be going home to the Father. My heart and prayers go out to the Ives family. I don't understand why someone so young must go, but I know that it is what she wants at this point. She has asked that we all pray that if she can't be healed here on earth that God take her now so that she CAN be healed. It breaks her mother Tasha's heart but that is what she has asked us all to pray for. The last update that I got said that Syd's breathing is labored and she is never conscious for more than a few minutes. So I guess I ask that all of you keep this family in your prayers.

Life is about the getting up

I just found out that a very dear friend of mine has miscarried. I am sitting here crying as I type this wondering why these things happen to good people. They have been trying to have a baby since 2004. They have done every thing and finally resorted to invitro. It took and they were over the moon! But only a few short weeks later here they are mourning the loss of that pregnancy. It breaks my heart and tears me to pieces, the idea of these good people who would be such good parents going through that loss. So why is it that good people who would make remarkable parents have to struggle so hard to reach that goal? Another friend of mine is dealing with her 11 year old daughter who has an inoperable brain tumor. Sydney is not expected to live much longer. Every single child is a miracle. That is so clearly understood when you hold a baby. Every single child on this earth is a miracle. So it seems again so unfair to have a child for such a short time. Sydney is one of those children who is wise beyond her years and she is dealing with her illness with far more aplomb than most adults do. Syd went into the hospital and they don't know if she will be coming out this time. Both of these bits of news were received by me this evening. But I also heard from my friend Fran who delivered a 7lb 10 ounce baby boy on Friday. So I guess God is trying to show me the good with the bad. So Gabriel comes into this world healthy and serves as a reminder that life continues on. And it does. And it will for Kammi and Matt and for the Ives family.
We have been very very lucky, Dave and I. There have been a few miracles along the way that have helped us on the path of becoming parents and we never gave up. We have two beautiful little girls in the bedroom sleeping right now that are the result of a lot of hard work and a lot of faith and hope. Those children serve as a testament to our faith and the love that we have for each other. They are a reminder that life is precious. They are the reason there is a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I would have survived if I could never have had them. I know this. I would have picked up and moved on.... but now the idea of a life with out them seems empty and barren. I feel so very blessed by them. I feel so grateful that my husband was with me as we tried again and again. They are so very very precious to me and I thank God every day for them.
I had big plans to tell you all about a second birthday and Halloween.... but somehow all I want to do is crawl into bed with my princesses. So I will tell you about both of those things later and for right now add a few picture of my beautiful little miracles.
Kammi and Matt my heart goes out to you. I love you both so very much. Sydney I still am holding out for you being healed, though I know if God calls you home it is because you are an angel and too good for this earth. Gabriel I know that you will have a full and happy life and your mommy is so very happy that you are here. Welcome to the world baby boy. It is filled with joy and wonder that will fill you up and it is filled with pain and anguish that will knock you down. The trick is to remember that life is all about the getting up not the falling down.

a few of my favorite things

I have been busy of late. Our car is broken down and while we are waiting to save the money to fix it Dave has been riding his bike to work. Why you ask does that make ME busy.... well in order to ensure that he gets there in time he has to leave two hours before work begins and in order to ensure that he gets enough to eat I have to cook two meals in a very short time every day and make them big enough that there are leftovers for his dinner at work. So it has been a little hectic around here. I imagine that pace will keep up for a while though.... because it is becoming increasingly clear that we need more income in.... not much but enough to cover the basics better. So Dave is going to get another part time job. We had discussed me getting a job... but we learned last year that in a lot of ways me working doesn't pay out for us. It actually cost us money last year when I got a part time job. We are hoping that will not be the case if Dave gets a second job. We'll just have to see won't we?
At any rate our house has been a little bit of an uproar during our schedule change and we are still trying to get used to it. Add to that the fact that my oldest daughter has decided that naps are nothing other than a bother and has given up on them all together has our household scrambling to find normalcy. Though I have found that with one child normalcy is an illusion and with two it is a figment of your imagination.... I can only imagine that with every child you add that figment gets smaller and smaller. Every day is an adventure in this household one that we have no idea what it will look like when we start the day out. I as a regimented person have found that I have a hard time swimming in the pool of chaos that can be our home. Before the kids I had a house that I could keep up on and schedules and lists that I lived by... now I am lucky if I remember to make a list before going to the grocery store.... and if by some strange twist of fate I did I will forget it when I go. I am learning to live with the chaos... and maybe some day will embrace it. As for right now I am surviving and I try not to look at the mess that my house is!

Feast or Famine

I do apologize because feast or famine is exactly how it must seem for all of you. There is so much to do though and we get swept up. Taryn is grabbing with her hands now, and can make a toy play music. I KNOW RIGHT!!!! How quickly they grow. The changes in Ash are not as lightning fast as they are in Taryn, but there none the less. We are planning Ashlynn's second birthday party right now. Time FLIES!
My brother is home on leave and that takes a lot of our time for the last week and will continue for the next week. Ash knew him right away and they have only gotten closer during the last week. It was amazing to watch Ariah hug and refuse to let go of her father. AMAZING!
I only have a few seconds here because Ash is insisting on Sesame street time.... so I am attaching a few recent photos... ( Taryn's as recent as this morning.) and maybe a video if I can get it to work. There is no sound because it is from our digital camera and the quality is less than perfect but it is worth a try!

three months and counting

Today was a big day! Taryn Bo Baryn turned three months, Gramps turned * mumble mumble* and my brother flew in home on leave for two weeks. Taryn met her Uncle for the first time ever and Ariah saw her daddy for the first time since January. It was a busy busy day! Tomorrow will be even busier as family members from far and wide come to see everybody else. We live at a mid point between my mothers two remaining sisters so they come here and visit. Should be interesting.
Taryn is now a supported sitter.... so many stupid names. That means that she can sit up with support and the core of her body doesn't cave on her. She has such a strong neck and is showing every body that as often as she can. She smiles like a champ... and while she fusses more than other babies in my experience she makes up for it by smiling OFTEN! And it is such a great smile it is so full of glee and excitement. It makes my heart jump with love and my whole mood lift. She is a joy to be with in between fuss sessions... but even the fuss sessions have gotten fewer and shorter as I am getting better at anticipating her needs and fulfilling them for her. She has shown me with out question the certainty that no two babies are alike. She has also taught me the valuable lesson that your heart makes room. I adore her more every day and it in no way dims or diminishes the love that I have for Ash. Truly it is amazing to be a parent!
Ash was so excited to see her uncle Shawn. She remembered him and spent the afternoon climbing on him just as much as her cousin did. It was good to see. We have been looking at his photos and talking about him a lot while he has been gone so that she could remember him. Ash is teaching mommy all about patience right now... and the lack of it that mommy suffers from. She is a brilliant child. She amazes people when they learn how young she is! She has a vocabulary that would rival most any three year old, she knows her colors her shapes, and she can count to ten. She recognizes some of the letters by sight she recognizes 1 through 9 of the numbers. 10 still gives her a pause. The thing is that being so advanced makes people think that she is older than she is and that she understands more than she does. Even mommy and daddy have a hard time with that expecting more from her than she is able to give developmentally. So it is frustrating for all of us. As long as we stick to a fairly regular routine we are good... but if we break that routine we are often in for a real show. She has a temper and she pulls it out. She is a sight to behold. She has a screech on her that can fell a tree. It is sharp and piercing, and the child knows how to use it. I always swore that I wouldn't have a screaming girl... but Ash is showing me that not only will I have one, but there is nothing I can do about it.
It is humbling to be a mother and see that all the behavior that you have handed dirty looks out for in stores, is at times unavoidable. That is just how the cookie crumbles... and right now it isn't just Ash that makes us wary of public places it is Taryn too.... THAT one is going to be a serious run for the money when she gets to be Ash's age. Although she may not be that bad, as she may get it all out in her infancy. There is another thing that humbles you... when you don't have any food in the house and you HAVE to grocery shop with the infant.... when she starts screaming you have to finish the shopping, irregardless of the looks that others may give you. Oh and the people who make comments aren't helpful.... when I am holding a wailing baby pushing a cart and trying to shop someone who says something to the effect of the lungs on the child isn't helping in any way. The looks the people send you aren't helpful either. It isn't as if I pinched the child because I prefer to shop in the most annoying manner possible. Thankfully that has only happened once, as Dave usually watches her while I do the shopping.
We are molding ourselves into a family and it is a truly great thing. I think that the teeter totter of life is starting to slow down and the ups and downs are starting to level out. I am working hard at enjoying every second of my children's lives.... because those moments fly by all to quickly. I will never have another baby, and while that is a good thing considering the difficulty of my pregnancies and the present economy, there are moments when it makes me sad to know that I will never hold another that is as little as Taryn and have that baby be mine. I will never hold a little boy that is my own and smooth down his hair or give him a bath. It is something that makes me a little bit melancholy some moments... so that is why I must throw myself into enjoying the moments that I can!
By the way Aidan's birthday was last week. He would have been three years old on the 18th. Amazing how the time flies. Happy birthday little boy. Mommy remembers!

We had Taryn to the Doc last Friday for this stupid cold that she has. Thursday night scared me spitless because there were long pauses in her breathing three different times and then when she woke up on Friday she nursed and then choked on the mucus that she had in her throat and then threw up all that she had just nursed. I am a fairly calm person most times but that night scared the pants right off of me so I took her to the doc. Doc left it up to me if I should take her to the hospital for the duration of the cold or take her home, and did some cultures for RSV and flu. The stipulation being should either culture come back positive she would go to the hospital regardless. I of course chose to keep her home. As a mommy I want to keep her from trauma not rush headlong into it. Those cultures came back negative and she stayed home. Whew!!!
Doc told me that the 4 or 5 day of the virus is the worst and then they get better usually. Well that held true for us. She did indeed start getting better. She hasn't had any more apnea episodes and isn't snotty through the day... she wakes up that way, but we park her in front of the humidifier and she is better for it.
So this Saturday we went to the Fall Fest that our little town has. We weren't there long and the outside air did Taryn good. It actually took us longer to walk one direction than we stayed there. We bundled both girls into a stroller and off we went. I got my funnel cake and Dave got his elephant ear. We let Ash go fishing and win a prize ( she was so proud) and we were out of there. We turned around and walked back to the house. It was nice and Ash was thrilled with the lights and people walking as we took a turn around the fair searching out our various vendors. Taryn conked out lulled by the noise that the fair makes and when we got home night night was as good as done. Even though she hadn't actually done the walking Ash was pretty tuckered out.
On Sunday we went to the Apple Orchard!!! Ash is such a perfect Age for this!!!! No pictures I am sorry but I was too busy helping her to pet the farm animals and ride the ponies and go on the wagon rides etc etc etc. This child is Animal Crazy. She went right up to the draft horses for the wagon to pet them with zero fear! I am so glad to see that. We were in the barn with the animals for nearly an hour because she went from one animal to another repeatedly. She pet the pigs and the goats and the calf they have there. She would have pet the chickens if they would have gotten close enough. The only way to get her out of the barn was to tell her there were ponies on the other side of the yard... and then she was so eager for the ponies that she didn't even WANT to play in the play yard... and that says a lot because there are tractors and all kinds of really really cool play equipment that she didn't even see... she was so focused on a pony ride.
So of course she got to ride the pony and was so very proud. And it makes this mama's heart proud to see how well she gets on with the animals. Dave and I have already decided that next weekend we will be going back to the pet store, where she loves to pet bunnies and all of the other little creatures. She loves all the fish too... the only animals that she is a little skittish of is the birds. And I don't blame her!! We will in a couple of weeks be going to the pumpkin patch where once again she will be able to see all kinds of animals. A llama or two that time.
She is at such a fun age... though at times it is such a frustrating age. I am beside myself half of the time trying to figure out how to outwit her. I do a lot of hollering these days, because she is well aware that once I sit down to nurse I am incapacitated for a bit. And I can yell my head off and she just laughs. But what she isn't noticing is that as Taryn gets older it takes less and less time for her to get full ( because she is more efficient at nursing), and mama is taking the household back. I had to give my power away during the end of the pregnancy and the first few months of Taryn's life.... but I am not a mama to be messed with. So Ash is learning that mama has a few tricks up her sleeve. We have also just got a potty seat and pull-ups. She has been asking. So my parents picked one up for her this weekend. This is a process and I know it won't happen in one weekend, but we are off and running on the potty training. It will be nice to have only one in diapers! Though it is more labor intensive while we are training. ( and like every thing else Ash is so into it that we spend 1/2 our day in the bathroom)
So I don't have any photos of this weekend to post but I have a few from last Thursday while we were playing outside and Ash found the bike that was bought for her brother Keagan when he was her age. I will post some of those and hopefully I will be better about getting photos of the fun we have. But I make no promises. Sometimes we are just having too much fun to stop... and that is fine by me!

This place should be quarantined!!!

Well maybe it isn't that bad. Seems like the whole world has been sick though... and my three housemates have been a part of it. It has been a busy week. Since last I wrote I have turned a year over, Ashlynn and Taryn have grown an inch and the leaves have started turning..... Well all of those are true except the Ashlynn and Taryn growing an inch bit... they ARE growing fast though!
Both girls have tried a cold on for size in the last week. Ashlynn is as usual her easygoing laid back self who needs a little more cuddling and a little more sleep. I don't think it should come as any great surprise though that Taryn IS NOT laid back and easy going in the throes of illness, rather she is one who screeches at the top of her lungs how unfair it is that SHE is feeling cruddy... making all of the rest of us feel somewhat cruddy on top of it all. She would settle for nothing less than mommy holding her and was more than willing to tell Daddy ALL about it. Saturday was an interesting day and night to say the least. Dave also has been ill... though it has not been a cold but more of the same ole' same ole' and he was in the hospital on Thursday for it.
Every one is better now... with the exception of a hanging on cough it seems the storm has mostly passed.
I did not get sick (with the exception of a minor sore throat that had me concerned the kids might have a sore throat on top of the runny noses and coughs!) But I did get to nurse every one and lose sleep while up all night Saturday with the youngest member of the house hold. The girls are catching up on some much needed sleep right now and Dave is back at work. I am enjoying a quiet moment and afraid that it will end at any moment.
So I am going to post a few photos for you all.... and then I think that I may let the dishes stay undone and the laundry stay dirty... and I may just crawl into bed with my sleeping angels and take a nap...... SCANDALOUS! And in prelude I will post a few pictures of sleeping angels with this.... ( I have one of Dave sleeping next to the girls... however he has threatened death should anyone outside of our household see it.... I personally think that it is sweet but well I guess I should listen to him. ) Enjoy!