20 weeks

20 weeks. When you say it that way it sounds like so little time. But when I look back, it is as if she has been with us for ever. 20 weeks half of the time that I was pregnant with her. So much has changed in those few weeks. So many things learned. In 20 weeks I have learned the real meaning of TRUE LOVE. I have watched with my husband, who is as star-struck as I am, as my daughter has learned to smile and hold her head up. I have heard her first laugh and laughed with her as I cried. I have smelled her head a million and a half times and I have kissed her little head a billion times. I have thanked God more times than there is a number for. I have learned to appreciate that I am one of the most blessed people in this world. I have cried more happy tears than sad tears. I have become more certain that I can handle motherhood... at the same time wondering how I am going to survive it. I have learned what happiness is, what contentment is. I have watched my relationship with my husband grow deeper than I had thought possible. 20 weeks: so few... so many.

I learned the value of 20 weeks once before. I learned as I sat in a hospital praying at 20 weeks pregnant that I wanted 20 more. I learned that 20 weeks is not so very long at the heart of it. I cried tears of sadness that still mark my soul. I delivered Aislynn at 23 weeks. I held her for 15 short minutes in the 2 days that she lived. I delivered Aidan at 20 weeks. He was held for his entire life by someone who loved him dearly. I wanted 20 more weeks for both of them. I prayed for it. I learned what 20 weeks can mean. After we lost our little ones my soul felt forever barren. I wasn't sure that I would recover. I was lost. 20 weeks after I lost my little boy... I got pregnant with my little girl. 20 long weeks. 20 short weeks.

I have been blessed in a way that many others in this world haven't. Having learned the value of 20 weeks, I have been conscious of the passing of each and every one of those weeks. My daughter reaps the benefits of my previous lessons. I have lived every day of these 20 weeks with my little girl sweeping everything else aside to rejoice in her. We have gloried together in this new and different world that she has come to. She has helped me to slow it all down and take it all in. She has taught me to stop worrying about the dishes and take a minute to play. She has shown me that 20 weeks is long enough to fall madly in love. 20 exhilarating weeks. 20 glorious weeks.