If it ain't broke there must be a way to fix it

While I was pregnant I read book after book about parenting. They all talked of the worry that new parents face and some of the seemingly unreasonable fears that take over their lives. I read them all scoffing at how I would be different. With all of the problems that we have had over the last two years with pregnancy it seemed that raising the child would be a breeze. I mean she is home with us and she is healthy, the worrisome part for a couple who has lost two babies and miscarried another is over... right? HA!!!
It is hard to explain how after you get home, your worries change. It seems like I am constantly on eggshells. Babies make weird sounds when they are sleeping and breathe in an odd way sometimes, and when you are breast feeding you never know how much the kid is getting. ( the volumes that she pukes should be reassuring, but that in and of itself is worrisome at times.) As I mentioned before, earlier this week I had her to the doctor where I learned that she is a whopping 12 lbs 9 ounces. Or was as of Monday. So the worry of is she growing at the right rate is officially laid to rest.... That is until it has been long enough for that worry to creep back in. It doesn't really matter that her little thighs are starting to have rolls and look like she is working at becoming a sumo wrestler. Nor does the fact that she now has double chins really enter into the equation. You see all of my worries are as I said earlier unreasonable. Dave has said that if I don't have something legitimate to worry about I will make something up.
Let me qualify all of this: I wouldn't call my worry fear, nor would I say that I worry so much that I am not enjoying my daughter. Quite to the contrary I am thoroughly taken with my daughter and all that she is learning and the changes that occur in her every day. It is just that I have never been responsible in this way for another's well-being. She is helpless and it is my job to ensure that her needs are met, and even nine weeks after she was born I still wonder if I am getting it right. My cousin Chris e-mailed me while I was pregnant and told me that I was in for the most awe-inspiring love in a few weeks. She said that she knew that I thought I loved the baby while carrying her, but that I would see. She couldn't have been more right. I have never felt a love as consuming as I feel for my daughter, but that doesn't help the worrying thing though does it. It has never mattered quite like it does now. I guess there is the rub. Here I am a rational adult who has been accused of being logical at times, and I am a victim to illogical worry. Spock would be ashamed.
I guess though that this is what I have to look forward to for 18 years. Or so the Doc said on Monday, and then he stopped and said "No, you never really stop worrying. Even when they have their own lives and children you still worry. Welcome to parenthood." Over all I would say that a little bit of worry is a fair trade for the enriched life that I have now with my daughter a part of it. Maybe someday I will be able to approach it all in the laid back manner that Dave has.... until then I thank God I have him. He is often able to insert a little bit of perspective, and he just may ensure that our daughter doesn't grow up as anxious as her mommy.