Okay so to say that he didn't like it is perhaps wording it a little strongly... but he did not care for it much. I offered a retraction but we both agreed that wouldn't work because every word in the last post was true true true. Dave said as much. Dave actually enjoyed the post and said that it was well written and would be hysterically funny if written about someone else... but he feels that all of the things that I talked about (while true) are things that he tries very hard to keep hidden from the rest of the world. Now he believes that anyone who reads my post will see him as a lazy slob who can't get anything right. He consoled himself by telling me that it doesn't matter anyways because no one reads my blog. That hurts even if it is true. Well I then offered to write a post that mocked myself. But that got us into a gray area because from whose perspective do I write that from. If I write it from my own there is a chance that it could be a deeply introspective piece that explores the parts of myself that I would change. No one but me would be even slightly interested in that. So the answer then would be to write it from Dave's perspective... but the problem with that is that the things about me that drive Dave up a wall are not necessarily things that I find to be a problem. And while I was working out the outline of said blog in my mind I came to the conclusion that it wouldn't work very well. The reason being that while I am well aware of several of my little quirks that Dave finds intensely annoying or irritating or even affectionately exasperating about me, I am also aware of some of the reasons said behavior is there. For example Dave cannot stand that while we are trying to get out the door to go somewhere I ask him to do several different little odds and ends while I am doing several other. Mind you I do not ask that he do it all while I sit and watch him, just that he help me out a little. The thing is that with a child there are a million little things to see to ( from filling a diaper bag to making sure that shoes are on) before you can go out the door. Dave is not aware of those things or doesn't really care much about them so he doesn't see the point. Also Dave would prefer to take those moments to be outside smoking a cigarette because he knows that it would be smoked in the car with me and the baby over my dead body. So I suggest things that he can do to help us get out the door. He gets irritated because he has a different agenda. However I have been in the place where he is outside smoking while I am inside getting the kid ready the diaper bag ready myself ready and then am dragging the kid, myself, and the diaper bag out to the car while I am pregnant. I get into the car after putting the child into the car seat and all I want to do is scream. He gets in the car refreshed from a cigarette and in a good mood..... UMMMMMMM HELLO A little help would have been appreciated... so now I ask. It pisses him off... but then we are both pissed when we get in the car. So you can see how that particular post wouldn't work. The idea is to make my husband feel better, not to justify why I do all the annoying or exasperating little things that I do. And I would NOT be able to help myself. So instead I offered a post that would tell you some of the things I love the most about my husband......... I did warn him that this post would most likely end up being considerably shorter than the last one. ( I had to get that in after the no one reads my blog dig forgive me) So here it is. The things I love about my husband. Please keep in mind that this list is not intended to be all inclusive.
One of the things I do love about my husband is his sense of humor. He finds humor in just about anything... and he can help others to see that humor, if they are willing to. Sometimes it is off color, and often it leaves a person shaking their head wondering if he just SAID that. If it was Dave then most likely he did. He doesn't really pay much mind to appropriate time and place and I love that about him.... even when it puts me in a place that raises eyebrows. At our wedding reception in his hometown he told what seemed to me like his entire family that I was " his freak on a leash." Oh yes he did say that. And his cousin came up to me later to say that guys say all kinds of things when they are drunk not to worry. The thing is Dave wasn't drunk (YET) and he has said similar things to other people... NEVER to his family again, but still. Even when I am the butt of those jokes I LOVE that he is so irreverent. It helps me to be freer with him. And lets face it there is a lot of humor to be found in situations that are often times off limits. For example while I was pregnant with Ash they were building a funeral home down the block from us. I happened to remark while we were in the car with a friend that if they hurried we would be able to use them if this pregnancy went bad. The friend we were in the car with gave me a really awful look. Dave however thought it was hysterical and was wiping tears from his eyes from laughing. Given our history that should have been a big no no... but I am free to have as sick of sense of humor as I want to with Dave. HE GETS IT. HE LAUGHS WITH ME!!!!! Not to mention his mind is so dirty that I can be as dirty as I want to be and he gets it ( and probably already thought of it!) The thing is that it is hard to be straight laced all the time and the face that you show the rest of the world isn't the face you can show your partner... so when your partner is a goofball then you are free to be to. THAT is a remarkable gift, and I love that he gives that to me.
I love that he is so quick to admit that he screwed up. I can't do that very gracefully. I cannot stand being wrong or being on the wrong side of a bad situation. I take it extremely personal when I have screwed up and I am embarrassed for the rest of my life sometimes. There are things that I got into trouble for when I was in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL that still have the potential to make me want to climb under the table. Dave however shrugs off the embarrassment and moves on. He takes a deep breath and apologizes when he is wrong. That is another thing that I have trouble with... it is tough to apologize if you can't even admit that you were wrong with out abject embarrassment. I admire that trait in him so much. I watch awed as he shrugs and says that didn't work quite the way I planned and laughs at himself. I gasp in admiration when he says " Oops I'm sorry that wasn't what I had intended." With his help I am learning to be a little more open to the mistakes I make as lessons instead of failures. With his acceptance of the screw-ups that I have accrued along the road we have already traveled together it helps me to realize that he loves me even when I screwed it all up.... and that is where that fear of admitting to my mistakes comes from to begin with, the fear that if people see how flawed I am they will stop loving me. Dave loves me flaws and all... just as he expects that I will love him flaws and all! There is a freedom that comes with that acceptance that I have never known. I have started writing... even if it is a blog that nobody reads. And he encourages me to keep going. If I fail I do. I am not afraid that he will think less of me for it. I know that he won't find me lacking because I have learned a lesson and did not make it as far as I jumped.... but he will help me to get back on my feet to take the next jump, encouraging me as I try.... That is not to say that once the sting has worn off that he won't make fun of me... that is just how he rolls.
I love his remarkable sense of play. There is always some way to play in his eyes, and it never fails he will find it. Practical jokes or silly games, racing you to the end and cheating nothing is to juvenile for Dave. He is game for anything. A dare is a dare and done. If it looks like it might be fun he is already there. This has always been a ton of fun for me as me the quint-essential adult and I think I was born an adult. I was always weighing the risk verses the fun and taking into account whether or not it was permissible before I had any fun even as a kid. Yes I am the original wet blanket in a lot of ways. I prefer to say that I am cautious... but lets be real. When I am with Dave he has a way of helping me to throw caution to the wind for a minute or two... whether it be financially or physically or emotionally. That is not to say that the fun he has is always wise. There are a lot of times that his being a 12 year old boy is a very bad thing. When the impulse control switch that most of us has malfunctions and he shows our 18 month old that bouncing a rubber ball off of the dogs head is hysterically funny I am left shaking my head.And as I am trying now for the third week in a row to keep her from doing it the head shaking has turned into fist shaking. But the good has a way of slipping in with the bad. When we were getting dirty looks from the down stairs apartment and notices from the landlord that we were too loud when we would race up and down the steps however he helped me to see that sometimes you just have to be a kid. We weren't doing it at midnight and it was good clean fun. Not to mention as Dave pointed out she was probably just jealous that she wasn't having as much fun as we were, and there was no reason to stop having fun in the middle of the day! Fun just seems to find Dave... or maybe it is that he has a way of looking at everything that turns it into fun. When we first started dating I was often shocked by his spontaneity. He would at the drop of a hat say lets go for a day trip to Madison, and off we would go... plans be damned and then once there he would find something ridiculously expensive and spend the grocery money on it. Hard for me to wrap my brain around that, but somehow it always worked out for him and he would eat and he would have his fun purchase. We always did the shopping together because it was just more fun to be with each other. Why dread grocery shopping when you can laugh and joke through the entire chore and one person can always run back for something that was forgotten. This has had a tendency of us getting more than we planned on every time, but it is worth it when the time is spent together.
I love my husband because he sees me in all of my just woke-up nine months pregnant and miserable glory and still finds me attractive. He still comes on to me when I feel like I am a whale that got stuck on the shore. And it is entirely sincere. I see that in his eyes. They glow sometimes and I just know that he is looking at me and finding something that he sees EXTREMELY attractive at that moment. I love him because we went shopping when I was 5 months and a store clerk practically fell over herself to help him ( in ANY way she could) and was rude to me and then ignored me when I said we were fine thanks.... and he made it clear that I was his wife and then acted like he hadn't noticed the store clerks interest... until we got in the car and then he laughed over it. I love him because he doesn't pretend that he doesn't notice other women... but he comes home to me. I love him because I woke up one morning and he was just looking at me and then he said that I was the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen in the most sincere voice I have ever heard. I love him because he meant it. I love him because the picture of me that he points out as his favorite is always followed with the remark... " It's because you look so happy in that picture... you are so beautiful when you are happy!" I love him because I know that the beauty that he sees in my is not the beauty that will eventually fade with my age, but that he sees me when all of the masks have fallen away and he loves that person.
Let me leave you with one last story. It is one that I think will help you to see who he is and why I love this man so much. On January 17 2006 I delivered our daughter at 23 weeks. We fought hard for her life for two day but on January 19 2006 we walked hand and hand down a hall way to hold our daughter before we turned off the life support. I have never in my entire life felt like I did as we walked down that hallway. I felt as if I was going to my own death. But he walked with me step by step. That day was one of the toughest in my life, but I had many tough days since. But he walked with me on that day of days and every tough day that followed. In September of the same year we lost our son who was once again born early. Not an easy year for either of us, and a terrible experience for myself as it was my body that had let us down. It was not easy to not blame myself, and yet my husband never did blame me. I had some anxiety issues that cropped up after our losses. Different ones with each loss. When we lost Aislynn I had a hard time leaving the house with out Dave. In the middle of January he gave me his winter coat and I wore it when I would go out without him long past the time when it was cold. My mom repeatedly told me that I needed to give it back to him, but he wouldn't let me. He felt that I needed it and so he wore a coat that was far less warm so that I could have his coat. That little bit of security gave me a piece of mind that kept me sane. This man who I married gave me what he could to keep me from falling apart entirely. After we lost Aidan I had a similar issue, but it effected me differently. After I lost Aidan I could barely go into a store by myself, I was terrified that I would see a pregnant woman or a baby and would break down. At first I just would grit my teeth and do it anyways. But it got harder and harder. I thought that I hid it fairly well, but once again my husband knew that there was an issue and he went with me when I would go shopping. My mother also noticed and would go with me when shopping needed to be done and Dave wasn't free. I always had someone that went with me for a time frame there. Grocery shopping, Christmas shopping, Wal-Mart, Target. You name it. I was able to pull myself together in a few short months... but in those months I had a remarkable support system... and the basis of that support system was my husband. What is even more remarkable in my mind is that in those times he allowed me to see some of his own sensitivities and hurts and he let me support him when he needed it. We sheltered each other through the pain and the storm and we pulled through it together. That to me is more valuable than a seven figure salary. This man LOVES me, this man SUPPORTS me, this man is my rock, my everything. He has shared with me his own pain and he has sheltered me from the world when I needed it, he has let me shelter him from the world when he needed it. He has held my hand and walked by my side along a road that has been fraught with as many tragedies it seems at times as there have been triumphs. He has seen me at my level best, and he has seen me at the absolute worst and through it all he has looked at me the same in the same way, with the same amount of love and desire, the same respect and for that I love him.
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