I had my first prenatal visit yesterday. We did an ultrasound but it is still too early to see much other than the fact that there is a pregnancy sack with a yolk and a baby in it. All good news. We are five weeks and six days pregnant, too early yet for a heartbeat. The dating of the pregnancy gives us a due date however. We are looking at a due date of July 11th 2009. The doctor wants me to stop nursing immediately, which I expected would be his response. When it became clear that I don't intend to and that my husband and I had already discussed in depth the pros vs cons of said choice he said " Well we will go forward then and hope for a good turn out and if we don't get one then we will have to be aware of the fact that a definite decision was made at the outset." He reiterated several times that I have a extremely high risk pregnancy and that all steps that can be taken to reduce the risk should be. He told me that I should take it extremely easy and spend as much time as I can sitting. I didn't laugh outright but please spend as much time sitting as I can with an active one year old on the prowl. Ummm not happening.

It was pointed out to me that the stress of nursing would be a new dynamic to the pregnancy that we didn't have last time, thus making it perhaps more risky. But then having a toddler at all is a new dynamic that will make pregnancy more risky. So we are embarking on a journey with lots of risk and no guarantees. So it basically sounds like any other pregnancy that I have had : ) There is little that I can do about the added stresses. If I could ship my little one off I wouldn't and the lack of guarantee hardly inspires in me the desire to immediately stop nursing my child when she is not ready to wean. She will let me know when it is time and we will take that journey together, when it is time.

Before you start thinking that I am taking foolish risks, I am not. I have researched my choice very carefully. I have read up on the risks and the possible problems. I have also read up on the flip side of it all. Yes nursing can cause contractions... however the contraction that are caused are not as strong as the contractions caused by orgasm during sex. Also the risk of those contractions is not great until you reach 20 weeks at which point my milk would have dried up and the baby would most likely wean herself. ( most do) Also once you reach the 20th week if the babe still wants to nurse then the contractions are more compared to Braxton Hicks than real labor contractions. They also usually stop when stimulation of the breast is stopped. So being as Braxton Hicks are expected by 20 weeks and I can stop nursing her if we have a problem I am not in favor of traumatising my daughter by cutting her off when it is a source of security for her. NOT to mention I can't sit out this pregnancy like the last one. A is walking and I am her primary caregiver. She isn't going to sit in one place because mommy needs her to. So I am going to put my faith in God and do what is needed to keep my family's life flowing.

Speaking of the light of my life she is sitting behind me right now in her highchair attempting to feed her self sweet potatoes. There are somethings that I just don't want to watch happen. I will clean the mess up when she is finished, and she is thrilled to dip the spoon in the food over and over again slopping it all over. Right now we are addressing a very sore butt. This is the first diaper rash that she has gotten so you will have to forgive me for the panic. My mother looked at it when I mentioned going to the doc and said "It's really not that bad. I've seen worse even on your butt when you were little." So I have calmed down a bit. I am changing her butt every 30-45 minutes need it or not to put more cream on it and let it to the air a little. Yes I am a freak but I am really not interested in my child hurting. One time when my stepson Keagan came over for a weekend his butt was so sore that it made me cry changing his diaper. He was such a little trooper telling me that it felt better now Lissa when we were done and I was crying as hard as he was. I DO NOT ever want to have to feel that bad again about my child's butt. So I am busy putting every possible fix on her butt at the same time, and yes perhaps I am a little psycho about it... but there is little that I find as heartwrenching as that cry that says " that hurts so bad" when I could keep it from happening. So I have preoccupied with the care of my favorite bottom in the world. Here's hoping that it gets better soon.

Halloween, Birthday parties, and other sundries

I do apologize for the delay in getting back to you guys. ( Do you ever feel like I apologize a lot for being remiss... I will have to work on that:( : P ) So many things have happened since I last posted....









We dressed up for Halloween













We ate Birthday Pie












We opened Birthday Presents










It has been a busy couple of weeks. On top of my child's birthday I have, since my last post, found out that I am pregnant. So I am busily producing the next of our progeny. Dave and I feel like we are on a tilt-a -whirl and one minute we are thrilled the next we feel slightly queasy... well alright its me that feels queasy, but still. As my young daughter had nothing to do with this new change and is not REALLY ready to wean yet.... I will be nursing her through the pregnancy. Before you get too upset I have spent the last 5 days or so researching this and it is healthy for both babes and for mom as long as mom eats healthy. I made a promise to my little girl though that I would nurse her until SHE is ready to wean, and that time has not come yet. I love her too much to take such a comfort away from her when we are embarking on a journey that may leave her feeling insecure. And yes before you ask if she has not weaned herself by the time the new babe comes I will tandem nurse them. I have also done research into that and it is also completely healthy for all involved so long as the new baby gets to nurse more in the early days to get the colostrum. Dave is 100% behind me on this ( good thing to because all I have read says that this is not an easy road and I will be EXHAUSTED.) This seems to be a good answer for our family though and nearly all of the anxiety of having two so young disappeared as Dave and I discussed this particular option. Nearly all of the research says that young ones that I tandem nursed in this manner are remarkably close and that they have relationships that are more like twins than siblings with space between them. As this is what I want for my children this is the choice that we have made. I am not foolish enough to think that this will be easy. Quite the contrary most articles say that it is exhausting and tough on mom at first... but having a baby is exhausting and tough on mom at first.
So here we go into uncharted territory in so many ways. I will have yet another high risk pregnancy, but this time I will have an active toddler to deal with also. I will continue to nurse, but now I will be pregnant while doing so. I hopefully will have another beautiful happy wonderful baby, though this time I will have to help my daughter to feel that this is an acceptable change to our family and she is not going lose her spot. I guess that Dave and I don't really know how to do things the easy way do we.

3.... 2.... 1.... Jump

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!

If a day makes a difference, a year makes a life. Today our little A has finally reached that milestone... that one year mark. at 11:39 AM she turned over a new year and it didn't even faze her. I have been looking forward to this day for many many weeks more so I think than I have ever looked forward to my own birthday.

It has been a year of drastic change and marvelous discovery. I have learned a million things from A even as she has had to learn the most basic of human skills. I have watched as she has practiced doing something repeatedly without complaint (if not frustration) in order to do it right. I have seen her fall on her butt endlessly only to giggle and get up to try again. I have watched her tackle rolling over, crawling, standing up, walking, talking, eating, feeding herself, you name it she tries it, all with a determination that nearly knocks me over. The child is the definition of perserverance and determination.

A year ago I lay looking at a blanket wrapped baby wondering who this person was. Knowing that this was my child and curious about her but not really having that immediate recognition that so many talk about. I was slightly worried as I thought that this was really not the way that a new mother should feel. I watched her get passed around from family memeber to family member with a sense of awe.... but no familiarity. It wasn't until I nursed her later that evening that I felt that recognition click into place.

In the days that followed her birth I realised that there was a learning curve to loving and that we would eventually get to the top, though we weren't there yet... or so I thought. As the love got bigger and bigger and filled more and more of me over the months I started to think that maybe, just maybe I would continue to learn about love as we went on in life, continually amazed by how it grows.

A year later I know that there is no limit, there is no top. This child as she becomes a person is more a part of me everyday. Even when we have a fussy day ( mommy can have them too) the love is monumental, the joy infinate. I have spent the year thanking God every single day for my child. I have thanked God for the ability to nurse her, to love her, to hold her. All of these things that I feared I would never get. When the world starts to get me down I look at her and I smile. When life starts to get hard I get down on the ground with her to play. When I need respite I cuddle next to her in bed. Truly this is a happy birthday, with many more to come... but I feel like I am the one who has gotten the gifts.

Breast is best?

My daughter is approaching her first birthday, very quickly. I am still nursing her and intend to continue for at least another six months to a year. (If not longer I make no promises : ) It has not always been an easy road. In fact there were moments when it was down right difficult, for a variety of reasons.


Despite what everyone says, despite what common sense says nursing does NOT come naturally at first and it isn't easy. I had an idealistic somewhat naive view of nursing before A was born. I saw a remarkable bonding time and an amazing opportunity to give an incredible gift to my daughter. All of those things are very true. But I kind of ignored the information about sore nipples and feeling overwhelmed. I glossed over the part about there being a learning curve. Instead I took from the information that I had only the information that I needed to make a firm decision about nursing. All in all I wasn't nearly as prepared as I needed to be... although I was as prepared I think as I could be. If that makes any sense?


When A came and I was inundated with all of the problems that the books warned of and a few that they didn't. I had sore nipples and I had a milk let down issue. I had a sore tummy from a C-section so had issues with her laying on my tummy. My milk took its time coming and my daughter was not okay with that. She would latch on and then she would scream at me. We went round and round with it. Things settled down and we found a happy medium at last.


I spent the first 2 months hating nursing. I figured that I would make it through a year and then be done with it. I owed that to my daughter. So I trudged through making the sacrifice for my daughter. I love her so much and every day it got bigger and more a part of me.


A started having eczema problems at about 6 weeks. And she was miserable. There were times that I didn't have a spot on my child that I could touch. In order to save her from pain I started pumping and feeding her bottles. It wasn't long that I realized how much I loved nursing my daughter. Wait a minute what..... yes I said that LOVED nursing her. I loved the quiet times with her... I loved the closeness and I loved the bonding. I loved everything about nursing.... and I wasn't able to do it. There was a day when I couldn't soothe her with a bottle or a nuk or cuddling or rocking. That was the day that I realized that she loved it as much as I did.


So I started nursing her again and we both were happier for it. We made it six months on just my milk... and then we introduced solid foods. Slowly at first and then with a little bit more speed. My little one really took to solid foods and so we offered them often. All of a sudden her nursing slowed a little bit. I was worried... especially as I had friends who se children refused the breast when offered solid foods. So I approached with trepidation that milestone, knowing that I had to for my daughter's health. We nursed mostly at night for a time while she took to the solid foods that were offered... but then something turned it in my favor again. My daughter started crawling. She started to move further and further away from me. Even venturing to at times disappear from my line of sight. What fun what fun. She started discovering the world around her... but as she did so she started nursing more and more. It was as if as she was pulling away in some ways she was pulling closer in others. How amazing! I was so worried about her weaning herself when she started getting independent and she went the opposite direction.

So here we are approaching a year and nursing is still very important to both of us... although it has taken on a bit of a different position in our lives. These days A nurses for security I think more than she does for nurishment. Although the nourishment is there as well as the immunities... and it is a great thing. I think that for A nursing is more like the loved teddy or the blanky that most kids have. A doesn't really have a security item. I was thinking about that the other day. But what she does have is me and my breasts. A falls down goes boom, she nurses. A hears a sound that unsettles her, she nurses. A wakes up in the night and needs a little bit comfort, she nurses. I allow her to nurse whenever she asks for it, and because of that... I have become A's security blanket. I suppose that for some that is the wrong answer, but for our family it works. Last night as we were settling into bed, A woke and became unsettled... so I nursed her. I chuckled and asked D if he ever thought my breasts would become this important... he laughed and said that he had thought that they always had been.
It has been a strange journey, nursing my daughter. We have moved through mom hating it to mom loving it to babe needing it. So here goes another year of nursing. I never in a million years expected to be saying that 11 months ago.

Walk this way!

It has been a while since I last posted. I am sincerely apologetic for the lapse... HOWEVER. Shortly after ( like an hour) A decided that she was to be a walkin fool. So I have been running around after my toddler. She is HYSTERICAL. She even tries t run when she knows that she is doing something naughty or has something that will be taken from her. It is hard to contain the laughter at times as my little drunken sailor daughter runs around the house going from one place to another getting into things that she is not supposed to be into.

It is now a common sight to see my little angel walking around the house a grin of delight on her face as she moves around the house like the adults do. She gets so excited with herself that she will often stop in the middle of the room and squeal and clap for herself. (Note at this point everyone else is supposed to clap also.) She still has a few balance issues so every now and then she will thrust her arms out for leverage and I swear it makes her look like an uncoordinated white guy trying to break dance. She cracks me up.

She has also discovered stairs. So when I am at my parents house I am constantly pulling her off of the stairs. I let her get to the fourth stair then pull her down put her across the room and follow her to the stairs where I let her get to the fourth one then pull her down and put her across the room. I feel kind of like an old fashioned type writer with manual return.

Nothing is safe in our house any more. NOTHING. The child will climb to get it if she can't reach it. She clambers over things and uses shelves like a step ladder. She climbs off the bed now ( Dave and I couldn't afford a frame to go with our bed and it works out great unless you want her to stay in bed: ) For the first time I was alerted to the fact that nap time was over by my daughter coming out of the bedroom. What is this world coming to?
In a few short days my little princess is going to be a year old. Where did it go? The time that is. I think back on her first few weeks, months even and they are a blur. She is growing so fast. Every morning I wake to a new child, she is changing so fast. So I have made a pact with myself... Enjoy it. Every single second. A comes up to have a book read, I read it. She shows me a toy, we play with it. She asks for up, I grab and cuddle her. She wants to nurse, I drop everything. I cannot get this time back once it is gone. So I embrace every moment with her. My child has no idea that the world does not revolve around her. The "S" word not withstanding I am working to keep it that way. For the record my child is not spoiled... she is cherished.

new photos of the pumpkin

A little more cheese please!

No Dave didn't find the USB cord... but he can down load the card directly to his computer and then transfer it all to my computer. So that is what has been done.... now that is an entirely unsatisfactory situation due to the absentmindedness of my husband. But for right now we have new photos well new for you. I was looking at them and a few of them are as old as a month old. Not all of them are though ... not to mention I don't think that cute has a time limit on it.

So with out further ado here is the main attraction...

Hey daddy I don't think you're doing it right here let me!

Massive Huddle cuddle wanna join me?

Look Mom a really big mess in 3...2...1

A is able to walk across the floor these days with only one hand being held. She's not quite confident enough to walk to many steps with out that hand. Though she did make it 1/2 way across my parents living room last night before she realized that she was on her own and got so excited that she plopped onto her rear. Now that she is so close though she loves to practice. And we spend a good portion of our play time walking around in circles while I hold one hand. To be honest I am glad when she finds something else to do as it kills my back, and the large circles that she makes are not so large for me and so I end up making tight little circles that make me dizzy.
Who can resist that excitement and the smiles that she gets on her face because of it. She is so proud of herself and puffs up and grins from ear to ear when someone makes a fuss over her... which we all do as often as required. The walking is somewhat of a relief for the moment though as she had gotten so fast at crawling that it could be difficult to keep up with her. Full grown adults were taken by surprise in our household when she would dart.... not so much because we couldn't move as fast as her more because we would look away for a nanosecond and then we would have to figure out where she had gotten to in that split second and what trouble she had caused ( the fact that she has learned how to crawl up the stairs at gramps and granny's house makes that a scary situation.) So walking at her slower pace is a bit of a welcome relief, as she is slower and still needs some assistance. Though I am sure that is going to change in a matter of mere minutes just as every thing else has.
It seems like she has changed over night. One day she was an older baby who was on the verge of toddlerhood. When we woke up the next morning she was a toddler leaving the last vestiges of babyhood behind her. She has even started to look the part as she has gotten taller in the last few weeks and that has spread the baby fat out a bit. I am startled every time I look at her and I wonder where my baby daughter has gone. But this new little toddler who stands in front of me grins that little mischief maker grin that I love so much and I am a goner giggling and smiling at how beautiful she has become.
We have entered the realm of the belly laugh. Any one who has a little one can speak to this time. A time when seemingly everyday things sends her into gales of laughter that come from her toes. Belly filled guffaws mixed with giggly little squeals that causes any adult in hearing distance to shake their head and smile. Truly the fountain of youth is to keep a child about this age around you 24/7. Because you cannot help but laugh with her. The dog seems to be able to make her day. Abby is a patient soul for which we are very grateful, as A seems to find her endlessly fascinating and can be kept entertained for a good 1/2 an hour by rolling on the floor with the dog. We watch closely of course. Originally it was to be sure that the baby was safe from the dog.... that has changed now to ensure that the dog is safe from the baby. :) Abby as I said is endlessly patient, and we watch closely to be sure that she is not tested too much.
A's favorite pass time these days seems to be listening to books read to her. I have been reading to her since she was very young. I purchased books for her at Christmas time, over Dave's protests that she was too young. I figured that it is never too young to start a good habit with your child... and reading is certainly something I count among good habits. Not only did I read board books intended for a baby but I would read to her out of magazines that I was reading. It seems to have taken as there are several books that are read to her six and seven times a day. She also will "read" the books to you if you let her. She will turn the pages and babble a little bit on every page. Clearly it is a pass time that she enjoys, which makes my year. As a reader myself I am excited to have a little reader. That is one of the joys that my family has shared since I was young. Sharing books, discussing them over dinner and frequent trips to the book store. I am thrilled that this love will pass on. My only complaint is that there are a few of her books that are her favorite and I have them memorized now and in fact often find lines from those stupid books going through my head when I am not even with my daughter. I mean yes I am glad that " Elmo like the elephant whose trunk swings left and right. With floppy ears and big feet she is quite a sight" is a sing song that she enjoys but I am a little afraid that I am going to start dreaming these books. Part of the problem is that they are sing songy so that they catch attention of the little ones... but geez. Her birthday is coming up and I am going to have to get her some more books to save my own sanity.
Yes my little one has grown into a bigger little one. What an exciting 11 months this has been. I can hardly wait for the next 11. And yet....