Happy Thanksgiving to all!

This is A's second thanksgiving feast in her life. We will be going over to my grandmother's house shortly to spend it with my extended family. My mother will be having thanksgiving at her house early on Sunday. We were supposed to be then going to Dave's father's house on Sunday for our third feast of the weekend. Those plans however fell through for a couple of reasons. Firstly I have been spotting a little. Old blood and not much.... but still scary. Also I have a terrible cold ( and now so does A) I also have a before mentioned back injury that has me still in pain, the combination has made my doc suggest that I stay close to home. As Dave's father is an hour drive away it seemed like a less than good idea to keep that particular dinner date.
Let me put some minds to rest with the spotting issue: While it is a big thing and not a good sign... it is also par for the course with my pregnancies. There is not a single pregnancy that has made it past the first trimester that I haven't been in the doc's office for spotting.... well for that matter the ones that ended in the first trimester I was there for bleeding too, just a lot more bleeding. So we are watching it and I am supposed to be on the couch resting.... well that translates into I am only just taking care of my daughter. The rest of the house is a shambles and it will stay that way for a little while so that this pregnancy can be given the best chance that I can give it. I guess that means that I won't be shopping all day tomorrow..... That makes TWO years in a row that I have missed out on Black Friday. Next year I will have two that will be in diapers and carseat.... ( sigh) perhaps I will have to adjust my entertainment activities from this point forward.
A woke up this morning very congested and hacking. Not fun. She is still a contented and easy going baby. She just is more cuddly.... ummm in what world is having the cutest baby on the face of the earth wanting to cuddle with you a bad thing... yeah I didn't think it existed either. I must say though that my daughter is extremely cuddly on any given day so to say she is more cuddly is saying a lot. I love that she is snuggly and cuddly. I adore that she leans in every few minutes for mommy to kiss her head. Being as mommy is me that makes for a really wonderful way to spend my time. I just wish that she were feeling better for all of it.
I read recently that the power of touch for a child who is ill is near to miraculous. In the article it was saying that a study had shown that children who were lovingly touched by their parents when they were ill were faster to recover from said illness. The article suggested curling up with the child in bed or snugging the child down into your lap to read to or watch television with her. It purposed that parents should spend as much time as possible caressing the child's head and hair. It also suggested that children who receive such treatment as part of the normal day will have a stronger immune system to begin with and will not be ill nearly so often as children who do not receive affection from their parents. So my snuggly little girl will never be turned away from a cuddle or snuggle in that name of her health. Not mind you that I ever needed a reason of any sort to cuddle the light of my life.
My Granny told me a few weeks ago that you can always tell the baby that is well loved. A never doubts that there is a cuddle or a kiss for her when she comes to mommy or to daddy. She is loved because she IS. She is snuggled be cause she is nearby. She is cuddled because ... well just because. My Gran stumbled upon the best compliment that she could ever give me as a mother. My child may not always look neat. She may not always behave like a perfect little angel. These things are part of growing up and also part of being a parent. My child will always be loved though. Loved through and through. She will always be dealt with lovingly and to know that it shows in her behavior or her trust of me, makes me feel incredible. I will screw up a lot of things as a parent, because just as my child is learning to become part of the human race I am learning to be a parent. Perfection is not something that I am looking for in my parenting. If so I would have disappointed myself a long time ago, and A is still very young. I will however consider myself a success if my children always know that they are loved. I can't ask that they know how much... because there is no way that they CAN know the extent. I just ask that they know that they are loved. Some day when they hold their own child.... they will look at me with a sense of awe and they will say to me.... " I never really knew! God mom I never knew!" That will be enough for me.
Now I gotta go because my little one is napping and in the interest of her health I have got to go curl myself around her.

Houston we have a heartbeat!

Pregnancy news first I suppose as my title is about it. We ( all three of us) went to my first maternal fetal appointment yesterday. Most of the people who work there were on the first baby journey ( some of them with us on several of the lost baby journeys also) and all were amazed by how much Ash has grown. Everybody was highly impressed by her gorgeous bright blue eyes. We spent the afternoon saying " thank you we think she is beautiful too." and "Oh those are daddy's blue eyes to be sure!" ( just a note here.... there is nothing in this world that can get you on my good side faster than to compliment my child!) At any rate I digress. So we went to our first MFM ( maternal fetal medicine) appointment yesterday. For those of you who do not know the significance of those powerful little letters MFM is the braintrust of obstetrics. These are the highrisk doctors who know everything about everything when it comes to a highrisk pregnancy. And I am a very high risk mom. So the first thing that we did was go in for an ultrasound. We were looking to date the pregnancy and get a good idea of the due date. Now this was already done at the OBs office but every office likes to do their own. So off we toddled and twenty minutes later we had pictures of the new guy and a whole lot of relief. It took a bit of time to find that little heartbeat and that caused some high drama in the US room. When the heart beat was found it was hiding behind the yolk sac and was 120 beats per minute. Our problem the earliness of the pregnancy.



This new ultrasound has shown that the new guy is in fact a week younger than we had thought ( or there abouts) We now have a due date of July 19 2009. This one is more accurate as we actually were able to see the baby and date the pregnancy off of the size of said baby ( well blob right now). We then went through the rigmarole of changing me all over to MFM. I am now in their hands through to the 6 weeks postpartum and will not go see my OB for the rest of the pregnancy. A plan was laid out for our approach and we have set off down the road.

As it stands now: We will be seeing the dietitian in early Dec., the endocrinologist in Mid Dec. We will have a clinic and take a "peek" at the babe in mid Dec. We will in very early Jan have an ultrasound and NT scan followed by a cerclage put in at 13 weeks. We will start the 17-P shots at 16 weeks at which point we will see the docs once a week from that point forward. At 20 weeks we will have targeted ultrasound where we will find out boy or girl ( as well as a few other things like the general health of the baby : ) At 28 weeks we will start NST and biofeedback once a week and then at about 32 we will have them 2 times a week. We will also be doing monthly growth ultrasounds, as well as a fetal heart and kidney study. I will 99% sure have to have a C-section for several reasons the top being that was how A was delivered. And I am sure that this one will be delivered at around 39 weeks just as she was. So we have a plan, we have a heart beat, we have a baby, and we are off and running.


A is cutting teeth.... seems like that is a constant pass time for her any more. That makes her slightly grumpy and her sleep pattern hard to follow. She had her first play date on Tuesday! YAY! We went to a little class put on by the local library with Dave's cousin C and her little boy J. We had so much fun! We have a bit of a runny nose now and that could either be from some of the kids in the group or the teeth ( although they are bottom teeth and do not usually cause nose probs. ) We made a craft and we played and had a snack and she had a ton of fun. I think that it was good for her to have a little bit of contact with children as most of her contact is with adults. I was thrilled when C called and we have tentative plans to go to a group once a week or so. We will of course play it by ear because if there is one thing for sure it is that kids are tough to plan around.

I am still nursing A.... and she is still going strong. The MFM doctors said that they would like to see me wean by 20 weeks but support my choice to continue nursing. I am so glad to have their support, as I didn't really want to go it alone. I love my daughter and I am committed to ensuring that she get the most out of our nursing relationship as she can. I have found in my research that 70% of babies wean themselves when mom is pregnant by the 20th week anyways. The cool thing is that about half of that 70% go back to nursing when the new babe comes if they are young enough. If my daughter has weaned herself and looks to nurse when the new babe comes she will once again become a nursing baby. Dave and I have discussed and agreed that extended nursing is extremely beneficial for her and we are committed to offering every benefit with in our power to our child. Not that we will force the breast by any means if A has had enough than so be it. However, with an allergy to milk as well as eczema and seasonal hay fever the need for extended nursing is huge in our daughter though and so we are both happy to offer it to her.


There is another benefit to continuing to nurse A that is like the white elephant in the room. The research I have done says that nursing a still young child through pregnancy and continuing after the birth of the new child cuts down significantly on sibling rivalry. The idea is that by rejecting your child ( i.e. refusing to nurse because of a different child) and then offering it to a second child ( who is an interloper in the eyes of child 1) an innate rivalry is created. The flip of that is that by offering the breast to both children you create a common bond early as well as offering a prime example of shared love and nourishment. There is enough for everyone, and mommy loves this new guy a lot, but she loves me the same as she always has. I truly look forward to offering this kind of example to my two children. Even though by all accounts tandem nursing is an exhausting endeavor. I am hoping that I am up to it.

I have injured my back. I picked A up the wrong way and I have had three days of hell because of it. Dave stayed home on Wed because I was not able to do the simplest task of A. I hate back injuries. This being my first does not in any way lessen or lighten the burden of hate that I carry right now. I cannot pick up my daughter to cuddle her and we are both feeling that lack terribly. Here is hoping that it will heal soon. ( every one says it sounds like I tore a muscle... for the record I don't care I just want it better!) I am hoping that within the next few days things will ease up enough that I will be able to swoop her up for the cuddles that she wants. I DO NOT like the fact that my back hurts worse right now than it did the last few weeks of pregnancy with A. I am supposed to be able to ENJOY the beginning of pregnancy this time. ( SIGH) Thank God for understanding husbands.... well thank God for a lot more than that but Dave is a God send worth mentioning right now.

Well my princess is sleeping and right now all I can think about is crawling into bed next to her and cuddling for the next hour.... so hey what do you know that is what I am going to do. Life can be blissful despite back aches, teething and the other irritations that make it all interesting. Hope you all find the time this weekend to find something that creates an equivalent amount of happiness in you.




P.S. Yes we have ultrasound pictures... and Dave is planning on scanning them in.... however they are really just a blob so I will not share them unless there is a popular consensus that you would like to see them... let me know.

I had my first prenatal visit yesterday. We did an ultrasound but it is still too early to see much other than the fact that there is a pregnancy sack with a yolk and a baby in it. All good news. We are five weeks and six days pregnant, too early yet for a heartbeat. The dating of the pregnancy gives us a due date however. We are looking at a due date of July 11th 2009. The doctor wants me to stop nursing immediately, which I expected would be his response. When it became clear that I don't intend to and that my husband and I had already discussed in depth the pros vs cons of said choice he said " Well we will go forward then and hope for a good turn out and if we don't get one then we will have to be aware of the fact that a definite decision was made at the outset." He reiterated several times that I have a extremely high risk pregnancy and that all steps that can be taken to reduce the risk should be. He told me that I should take it extremely easy and spend as much time as I can sitting. I didn't laugh outright but please spend as much time sitting as I can with an active one year old on the prowl. Ummm not happening.

It was pointed out to me that the stress of nursing would be a new dynamic to the pregnancy that we didn't have last time, thus making it perhaps more risky. But then having a toddler at all is a new dynamic that will make pregnancy more risky. So we are embarking on a journey with lots of risk and no guarantees. So it basically sounds like any other pregnancy that I have had : ) There is little that I can do about the added stresses. If I could ship my little one off I wouldn't and the lack of guarantee hardly inspires in me the desire to immediately stop nursing my child when she is not ready to wean. She will let me know when it is time and we will take that journey together, when it is time.

Before you start thinking that I am taking foolish risks, I am not. I have researched my choice very carefully. I have read up on the risks and the possible problems. I have also read up on the flip side of it all. Yes nursing can cause contractions... however the contraction that are caused are not as strong as the contractions caused by orgasm during sex. Also the risk of those contractions is not great until you reach 20 weeks at which point my milk would have dried up and the baby would most likely wean herself. ( most do) Also once you reach the 20th week if the babe still wants to nurse then the contractions are more compared to Braxton Hicks than real labor contractions. They also usually stop when stimulation of the breast is stopped. So being as Braxton Hicks are expected by 20 weeks and I can stop nursing her if we have a problem I am not in favor of traumatising my daughter by cutting her off when it is a source of security for her. NOT to mention I can't sit out this pregnancy like the last one. A is walking and I am her primary caregiver. She isn't going to sit in one place because mommy needs her to. So I am going to put my faith in God and do what is needed to keep my family's life flowing.

Speaking of the light of my life she is sitting behind me right now in her highchair attempting to feed her self sweet potatoes. There are somethings that I just don't want to watch happen. I will clean the mess up when she is finished, and she is thrilled to dip the spoon in the food over and over again slopping it all over. Right now we are addressing a very sore butt. This is the first diaper rash that she has gotten so you will have to forgive me for the panic. My mother looked at it when I mentioned going to the doc and said "It's really not that bad. I've seen worse even on your butt when you were little." So I have calmed down a bit. I am changing her butt every 30-45 minutes need it or not to put more cream on it and let it to the air a little. Yes I am a freak but I am really not interested in my child hurting. One time when my stepson Keagan came over for a weekend his butt was so sore that it made me cry changing his diaper. He was such a little trooper telling me that it felt better now Lissa when we were done and I was crying as hard as he was. I DO NOT ever want to have to feel that bad again about my child's butt. So I am busy putting every possible fix on her butt at the same time, and yes perhaps I am a little psycho about it... but there is little that I find as heartwrenching as that cry that says " that hurts so bad" when I could keep it from happening. So I have preoccupied with the care of my favorite bottom in the world. Here's hoping that it gets better soon.

Halloween, Birthday parties, and other sundries

I do apologize for the delay in getting back to you guys. ( Do you ever feel like I apologize a lot for being remiss... I will have to work on that:( : P ) So many things have happened since I last posted....









We dressed up for Halloween













We ate Birthday Pie












We opened Birthday Presents










It has been a busy couple of weeks. On top of my child's birthday I have, since my last post, found out that I am pregnant. So I am busily producing the next of our progeny. Dave and I feel like we are on a tilt-a -whirl and one minute we are thrilled the next we feel slightly queasy... well alright its me that feels queasy, but still. As my young daughter had nothing to do with this new change and is not REALLY ready to wean yet.... I will be nursing her through the pregnancy. Before you get too upset I have spent the last 5 days or so researching this and it is healthy for both babes and for mom as long as mom eats healthy. I made a promise to my little girl though that I would nurse her until SHE is ready to wean, and that time has not come yet. I love her too much to take such a comfort away from her when we are embarking on a journey that may leave her feeling insecure. And yes before you ask if she has not weaned herself by the time the new babe comes I will tandem nurse them. I have also done research into that and it is also completely healthy for all involved so long as the new baby gets to nurse more in the early days to get the colostrum. Dave is 100% behind me on this ( good thing to because all I have read says that this is not an easy road and I will be EXHAUSTED.) This seems to be a good answer for our family though and nearly all of the anxiety of having two so young disappeared as Dave and I discussed this particular option. Nearly all of the research says that young ones that I tandem nursed in this manner are remarkably close and that they have relationships that are more like twins than siblings with space between them. As this is what I want for my children this is the choice that we have made. I am not foolish enough to think that this will be easy. Quite the contrary most articles say that it is exhausting and tough on mom at first... but having a baby is exhausting and tough on mom at first.
So here we go into uncharted territory in so many ways. I will have yet another high risk pregnancy, but this time I will have an active toddler to deal with also. I will continue to nurse, but now I will be pregnant while doing so. I hopefully will have another beautiful happy wonderful baby, though this time I will have to help my daughter to feel that this is an acceptable change to our family and she is not going lose her spot. I guess that Dave and I don't really know how to do things the easy way do we.

3.... 2.... 1.... Jump

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!

If a day makes a difference, a year makes a life. Today our little A has finally reached that milestone... that one year mark. at 11:39 AM she turned over a new year and it didn't even faze her. I have been looking forward to this day for many many weeks more so I think than I have ever looked forward to my own birthday.

It has been a year of drastic change and marvelous discovery. I have learned a million things from A even as she has had to learn the most basic of human skills. I have watched as she has practiced doing something repeatedly without complaint (if not frustration) in order to do it right. I have seen her fall on her butt endlessly only to giggle and get up to try again. I have watched her tackle rolling over, crawling, standing up, walking, talking, eating, feeding herself, you name it she tries it, all with a determination that nearly knocks me over. The child is the definition of perserverance and determination.

A year ago I lay looking at a blanket wrapped baby wondering who this person was. Knowing that this was my child and curious about her but not really having that immediate recognition that so many talk about. I was slightly worried as I thought that this was really not the way that a new mother should feel. I watched her get passed around from family memeber to family member with a sense of awe.... but no familiarity. It wasn't until I nursed her later that evening that I felt that recognition click into place.

In the days that followed her birth I realised that there was a learning curve to loving and that we would eventually get to the top, though we weren't there yet... or so I thought. As the love got bigger and bigger and filled more and more of me over the months I started to think that maybe, just maybe I would continue to learn about love as we went on in life, continually amazed by how it grows.

A year later I know that there is no limit, there is no top. This child as she becomes a person is more a part of me everyday. Even when we have a fussy day ( mommy can have them too) the love is monumental, the joy infinate. I have spent the year thanking God every single day for my child. I have thanked God for the ability to nurse her, to love her, to hold her. All of these things that I feared I would never get. When the world starts to get me down I look at her and I smile. When life starts to get hard I get down on the ground with her to play. When I need respite I cuddle next to her in bed. Truly this is a happy birthday, with many more to come... but I feel like I am the one who has gotten the gifts.

Breast is best?

My daughter is approaching her first birthday, very quickly. I am still nursing her and intend to continue for at least another six months to a year. (If not longer I make no promises : ) It has not always been an easy road. In fact there were moments when it was down right difficult, for a variety of reasons.


Despite what everyone says, despite what common sense says nursing does NOT come naturally at first and it isn't easy. I had an idealistic somewhat naive view of nursing before A was born. I saw a remarkable bonding time and an amazing opportunity to give an incredible gift to my daughter. All of those things are very true. But I kind of ignored the information about sore nipples and feeling overwhelmed. I glossed over the part about there being a learning curve. Instead I took from the information that I had only the information that I needed to make a firm decision about nursing. All in all I wasn't nearly as prepared as I needed to be... although I was as prepared I think as I could be. If that makes any sense?


When A came and I was inundated with all of the problems that the books warned of and a few that they didn't. I had sore nipples and I had a milk let down issue. I had a sore tummy from a C-section so had issues with her laying on my tummy. My milk took its time coming and my daughter was not okay with that. She would latch on and then she would scream at me. We went round and round with it. Things settled down and we found a happy medium at last.


I spent the first 2 months hating nursing. I figured that I would make it through a year and then be done with it. I owed that to my daughter. So I trudged through making the sacrifice for my daughter. I love her so much and every day it got bigger and more a part of me.


A started having eczema problems at about 6 weeks. And she was miserable. There were times that I didn't have a spot on my child that I could touch. In order to save her from pain I started pumping and feeding her bottles. It wasn't long that I realized how much I loved nursing my daughter. Wait a minute what..... yes I said that LOVED nursing her. I loved the quiet times with her... I loved the closeness and I loved the bonding. I loved everything about nursing.... and I wasn't able to do it. There was a day when I couldn't soothe her with a bottle or a nuk or cuddling or rocking. That was the day that I realized that she loved it as much as I did.


So I started nursing her again and we both were happier for it. We made it six months on just my milk... and then we introduced solid foods. Slowly at first and then with a little bit more speed. My little one really took to solid foods and so we offered them often. All of a sudden her nursing slowed a little bit. I was worried... especially as I had friends who se children refused the breast when offered solid foods. So I approached with trepidation that milestone, knowing that I had to for my daughter's health. We nursed mostly at night for a time while she took to the solid foods that were offered... but then something turned it in my favor again. My daughter started crawling. She started to move further and further away from me. Even venturing to at times disappear from my line of sight. What fun what fun. She started discovering the world around her... but as she did so she started nursing more and more. It was as if as she was pulling away in some ways she was pulling closer in others. How amazing! I was so worried about her weaning herself when she started getting independent and she went the opposite direction.

So here we are approaching a year and nursing is still very important to both of us... although it has taken on a bit of a different position in our lives. These days A nurses for security I think more than she does for nurishment. Although the nourishment is there as well as the immunities... and it is a great thing. I think that for A nursing is more like the loved teddy or the blanky that most kids have. A doesn't really have a security item. I was thinking about that the other day. But what she does have is me and my breasts. A falls down goes boom, she nurses. A hears a sound that unsettles her, she nurses. A wakes up in the night and needs a little bit comfort, she nurses. I allow her to nurse whenever she asks for it, and because of that... I have become A's security blanket. I suppose that for some that is the wrong answer, but for our family it works. Last night as we were settling into bed, A woke and became unsettled... so I nursed her. I chuckled and asked D if he ever thought my breasts would become this important... he laughed and said that he had thought that they always had been.
It has been a strange journey, nursing my daughter. We have moved through mom hating it to mom loving it to babe needing it. So here goes another year of nursing. I never in a million years expected to be saying that 11 months ago.

Walk this way!

It has been a while since I last posted. I am sincerely apologetic for the lapse... HOWEVER. Shortly after ( like an hour) A decided that she was to be a walkin fool. So I have been running around after my toddler. She is HYSTERICAL. She even tries t run when she knows that she is doing something naughty or has something that will be taken from her. It is hard to contain the laughter at times as my little drunken sailor daughter runs around the house going from one place to another getting into things that she is not supposed to be into.

It is now a common sight to see my little angel walking around the house a grin of delight on her face as she moves around the house like the adults do. She gets so excited with herself that she will often stop in the middle of the room and squeal and clap for herself. (Note at this point everyone else is supposed to clap also.) She still has a few balance issues so every now and then she will thrust her arms out for leverage and I swear it makes her look like an uncoordinated white guy trying to break dance. She cracks me up.

She has also discovered stairs. So when I am at my parents house I am constantly pulling her off of the stairs. I let her get to the fourth stair then pull her down put her across the room and follow her to the stairs where I let her get to the fourth one then pull her down and put her across the room. I feel kind of like an old fashioned type writer with manual return.

Nothing is safe in our house any more. NOTHING. The child will climb to get it if she can't reach it. She clambers over things and uses shelves like a step ladder. She climbs off the bed now ( Dave and I couldn't afford a frame to go with our bed and it works out great unless you want her to stay in bed: ) For the first time I was alerted to the fact that nap time was over by my daughter coming out of the bedroom. What is this world coming to?
In a few short days my little princess is going to be a year old. Where did it go? The time that is. I think back on her first few weeks, months even and they are a blur. She is growing so fast. Every morning I wake to a new child, she is changing so fast. So I have made a pact with myself... Enjoy it. Every single second. A comes up to have a book read, I read it. She shows me a toy, we play with it. She asks for up, I grab and cuddle her. She wants to nurse, I drop everything. I cannot get this time back once it is gone. So I embrace every moment with her. My child has no idea that the world does not revolve around her. The "S" word not withstanding I am working to keep it that way. For the record my child is not spoiled... she is cherished.