On the Fifth Day of Christmas

One of the blessings that get pushed to the back these days is our children from Dave's first marriage. Codie and Keagan are amazing blessings, unfortunately blessings we never see anymore. I learned an awful lot during the years that they were an active part of our family. I learned that sometimes no matter how you try you can't make it all okay for the people that you love. Somethings are just out of your control. We could control the life they had over here but we couldn't really change what life was like for them at home. It broke our hearts but we just had to accept that.
I also learned that a child doesn't have to be of your blood or come from your body for you to feel a remarkable love and bond with them. I would walk through fire for those boys still to this day. I used to sit and cradle Keagan in my arms to sing him to sleep at night. Those were some of the most amazing moments in my life. He would relax into me and we would sit in the rocker sometimes until Dave would take him to put him down because it just felt right to hold him. Codie was older so we never got those moments, but with Codie there were those moments when he would come to me with questions that he didn't think he could ask other people in his life. He trusted me, even though that trust was at war with other feelings that he had for me.
Unfortunately we also learned that sometimes we have to let go in order to do the right thing. We fought tooth and nail for those boys. And in the end we had to let them go. It was not a choice that was made lightly. We did not skip to the courthouse because we were going to be free. We went with a heavy heart and laden feet to sign papers that would change our lives forever. That choice made it so that Codie and Keagan have never met their sisters. And won't until they are old enough to make the choice themselves to come and see us. That choice has made it so that we are on an outer fringe of their lives and we cannot be any closer than looking in a window at the boys that we love so much.
Still these young men are blessings. I hope that they know that. We have been blessed Dave and I by their presence in our lives. We hope that as time moves on we will be blessed again by them returning to our lives.