standing room only

My daughter has officially started standing on her own. She is now pulling herself to standing position on whatever happens to be with in reach. This is a very scary milestone for me. Imagine my heart attack when I turn from the sink to see my curious little angel standing in the crib ( that hadn't been lowered because she hadn't done THAT yet) grinning at me like the cat that got both the canary and the cream. She was so proud of herself. For my part I hollered "OH MY GOD" and ran over to the crib to sit her down.... only to have her pull herself up again and giggle... uh oh I sense the start of a new game. I asked Dave to lower the crib mattress that night. He said that he would only to procrastinate like he always does for about a week. Then one night she did it while he was home and could see. He called her a smarty pants and ooh and ahhed appropriately for a minute or two before lowering the crib right then and there.

She loves this new found talent of hers, practicing whenever she gets the chance on whatever is within reach. This has started teaching her the art of falling... although she is still princess enough to cry when she falls in the hopes that someone will run to her rescue. Fools that we are for her we still do it every time. Ain't love grand?! The other night when she pulled herself up on a laundry basket full of clothes she got the whole room laughing. All I can say for that one is Thank God the clothes were clean. What fun!

This is the start of a very independent time for this one. She is so curious we can hardly keep up with her. It is amazing to watch as she changes and grows. Tools that we have always used have disappeared... for example Out of sight out of mind really doesn't apply any more. It takes her more than a second these days to forget, so just putting it behind you is no longer an option... especially considering that she is a little more able to get around and will go to get it if she wants... no she isn't crawling yet ( at least not in the text book sense) she does manage to get where she wants to though by way of rolling and scooting and otherwise wiggling. It can be fun to watch. She has also leaped forward in her social skills. We are all now the recipient of baby kisses when we are holding her. Kind of gross as they are always open mouthed... but she is so proud of them who could have a problem with it... the only thing is that she is always willing whether it is myself or Dave or rather unfortunately the dog. Abby may actually get more of those kisses than we do. ( Sigh) She also is a very huggy little one now. She doesn't throw her arms around you yet... but there is not denying what it is when you are the one holding her and she leans in for a hug. Pure heaven.

Every day it is something new. Today my back is aching because she wanted to be in my arms no matter what I was doing. Being in the same room wasn't enough.... I had to be holding her. I used the baby carrier for a time but that doesn't actually save your back it just frees up your hands.... it may actually make the back worse because of all the things that you try to do while also holding your child. I'm not complaining though ( well not too much ) She could not want to be near me at all. Every day an adventure I guess.

Are we having fun yet?

So here we are a few weeks into my quest for how to have fun and I thought that it might be time to look at the progress.
Firstly let me say that I have the best husband in the entire world hands down. He has been home so much more lately. It has been wonderful to spend time as a family. He has worked diligently to ensure that I get help and that I have a small amount of free time. We are still working on perfecting it... but he has been wonderful.
I haven't really found any new way to go out and have fun. As a matter of fact most of my attempts have been a bust. For an example of what I mean.... I got really sick the last time that we went out to eat.... and yet I so enjoy doing that. I get so tired of cooking. Still it is becoming clear that eating out is more about chain restaurants and less about good food. So we are going to have to compromise... he is going to cook more. We started that this weekend. He cooked on Sat and I played with the baby while he did so... it was really nice.
The other thing that we did this weekend was have a movie weekend. This is something that we have always done. We load up on treats and we sit and watch one movie after another, while snuggled together on the couch. This particular pass time fell out of favor for a while at first while I was pregnant and couldn't load up on snacks or stay awake past 9 PM, then when the baby was new and I couldn't sit in one spot for longer than 15 minutes with out falling asleep. With her a little older we could enjoyably watch a movie ( Although while she was awake I am not sure how much of the movie either of us saw : ) We stayed up until 1 AM on Friday and liked it so much that we did it all over again and stayed up until 2 AM on Sat. ( Dave and I not the baby) Granted it was a little hard to drag my tail out of bed with her at 6 both days but well worth it in the end I think. We both pooped out at 11:30 last night and she slept until 8:00 this morning. Go Figure!
Over all I think that we are having more fun as a couple the two of us. And while I still sometimes feel desperate for a little bit of me time... it is easier to deal with if it is the three of us together rather than me and the baby watching him leave. I also started to work on organizing our house a little better this weekend. Not an easy task. We live in like 1/2 an apartment our house is so small and we have a lot of stuff to try and cram into it. The hope is that maybe with a little more organization we will feel better in the home that we have. I didn't get nearly as far as I wanted to, but I will keep working towards the goal of having a nicely organized home and maybe I will get there before my daughter is old enough to move out.
We are taking the steps to build a solid family foundation. It is still imperfect but as long as we are taking the steps together and working toward the same goal we are working in the right direction. There are a few unshakable truths: I love my husband, I adore my daughter, and it ain't always easy. I can understand why some marriages don't survive having children. I can see why it tears couples apart... but I can also see why it can cement a relationship and draw a couple closer together. The work of being mommy and wife is the hardest work I have EVER done in my life.... but it is also the most rewarding. So whilst I am still trying to juggle me and A and Dave and well life in general I am also trying to remember every day that I have been blessed many times over. But my angel is singing my song and I have to go make raspberries on a belly....

Baby mine don't you cry

A has a cold this week. Complete with faucet nose and stuffy head. Who knows what else she is feeling because she can't tell me. I cannot wait until the day that she can let me know where it hurts... until then it is a guessing game, and not a fun one at that. The last couple of days she has been clingy and just a touch fussy. When she is tired though it is on. She screams and lets the world know that she is not particularly happy with her life right now. Who can blame her... I have been there with her, but at least I can blow my own nose and don't have to have someone jab a bulb aspirator up it... NOT our favorite pass time ( either of us.)

We have had a little bit of struggle the last few days with sleeping... well really with life in general. She spends 10-15 minutes before she nods off crying, screeching, and stating her opinion. I have spent those 10-15 minutes rocking and shushing and humming or singing softly to her. It breaks my heart to not really have the answer to her problems. That combined with the screaming in my face leads to a slight amount of frustration on my part... WHY can't I fix all of this for her. I have fallen into a bit of a habit, when we are having a hard time with sleep I hum Baby Mine with her head tucked into my neck. The song I hum or sing any other time is up in the air... but when she is crying and fussy it is always Baby Mine. When I want to do nothing more than run from the room screaming, I hum Baby Mine. When I want to hit a wall I hum Baby Mine. When I am wondering why the hell I wanted to be a parent to begin with I hum Baby Mine. When I am ready to quit I hum Baby Mine.

I hum Baby Mine for a very specific reason: it speaks to me as well as to A. That song reminds me that this baby is MINE. It helps me to remember the tenderness and love I feel for her. It helps me to come to terms with the fact that while placating a nearly unpacifiable baby is not my favorite thing to do... I would not really want to be anywhere else, and more importantly I DO NOT want anyone else to take my place( with the exception of my husband at times.) I as her mother am the person who should be there with her. I am the one that should be comforting her and I will never hand her off for it to be done by someone else.

So Baby Mine is a song that comforts me as much as it does her. It has been hummed to her so often when she is upset that it has become our anthem for comfort and at six months I can tell that she already has started to recognize it for what it is... our mommy and A song. I have even caught myself humming it when she isn't around to calm myself. It doesn't always work for her... but I think it lets her know that I am trying. Sometimes that is all that counts. I cannot unstuff her head nor can I ignore the fact that she needs her nose wiped. I cannot avoid using the saline drops or the bulb aspirator. These are things that I as a mommy must do, despite the fact that they seem like an odd sort of torture from her perspective. What I can do is try to comfort after it is all said and done. I like to think that I am pretty good at that part.

Food for thought

So we did it... we introduced A to her first food. We pushed a banana into one of the mesh feeders showed her what to do with it and let her go.... It took a minute... then there was a look of "WHAT The Hell is this?" Followed by the realization that what ever it was it was worth another try. Then happy as a clam she sat there sucking on that bag for 15-20 minutes. Mikey I think she likes it.

Just that quickly our child has become one of the solid eaters. She is no longer " exclusively breastfed." It is as if we have been invited through the doors of an exclusive country club. We now are on the road of being able to offer her the food that we are eating. No longer is she forced to sit and watch as we chow in front of her, it is as if a part of her babyhood has fallen away.

I have had mixed feelings about the introduction of solids. I have come to relish our nursing sessions. We lay quietly on the bed and share with each other in a way that only a breastfeeding mother can fully understand. Every now and then D will come and we make an A sandwich on the bed, those are times of true contentment that I want to hold onto forever. I am looking forward to breastfeeding until she is at least 18 months. I have had friends who with the introduction of solid food have had to ween their baby because of disinterest in the breast. So I find the introduction of solid foods somewhat threatening.

I am not a total sentimental sap... there are other reasons I have wanted to put off solid foods. Entirely valid reasons, otherwise we would have introduced them long ago my mother needs not withstanding. With the eczema that we have been fighting since she was 6 weeks old I have been purposefully waiting so as not to create food allergies. ( Which is why we have started with bananas rather than a cereal) There are so many allergies in my family that it seemed prudent to wait until she was a little older. Not to mention most pediatricians are suggesting that you wait until 6 months to start food.

I would gladly have waited until she was 9 or 10 months old. That is the age at which it is suggested that children need more nourishment than breast milk can provide. Her daddy has been pushing to start solids however... and as I believe that it is because he would like to be a more involved in her feeding I have given a little. That is not to say that we will be starting her on a new food every week or that in the next few weeks we will have introduced every food in the fruit and veggie group... to the contrary we will be introducing foods slowly and with plenty of space between so that we can be sure that she is not having a reaction... and she will receive that food only once a day, saving the rest of the time for nursing. I am strongly in favor of ensuring that she gets as much benefit from breast feeding as I can provide for her.

Meanwhile I enjoy watching her excitement when she is given a banana, and her Dada's excitement when he hands it to her ( if he were only a little more excited about the clean up : ) I love looking down and making eye contact with my daughter while she is nursing. I adore it when we make a love sandwich out of her. And the introduction of those bananas hasn't caused even a pause in our nursing... so we are talking about maybe moving on to peas in the near future.