Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

It has come and gone again. So many blessings this year, too many to count. This was the first year that we had a Christmas morning with the biggest of our blessings. And as she was so young this year it was not fully understood... but by the end of the day she was getting the hang of the opening presents thing. After our girl opened her gifts at our house. ( There were only 3 so it was relatively quick) we went to my parents house for breakfast. We all pitched in and 2 made a wonderful breakfast scramble with zucchini eggs cheese and sausage while 2 others put the roast in for dinner. Coffee cake for a treat. Shortly after breakfast my brothers started showing up. When all of us were there we opened a few presents and watched two very girls play all sorts of new fun things. Then we were once again gathered around the table this time to eat a roast and veggies followed by yummy pie. Then to help our meals to settle we all had a latte made with the cappuccino machine Dave got for Christmas from my parents. Then we settled in for the night on clean fresh new sheets ( a gift to me from my parents).
At no point, unfortunately, was there a good time to A down for a nap... and so our little angel became a demon seed before too long. So tired that when it was time to lie down and go night night she couldn't settle herself into sleep. A little after eleven o'clock she finally fitfully fretfully fell into sleep. Only to wake us again at seven thirty the next morning... or should I say wake mommy the next morning. Daddy can sleep through a freight train and so a small package like A is hardly likely to wake him. She was excited to come back out to the new toys and play all over again. And with an early nap she was back to herself. Which is generally an easy going and level tempered child.
This Christmas was marked by blessing and loss. My sister-in-law delivered a beautiful baby girl into the world on Sunday Dec 21st at 6:48 AM. Tipping the scale at 7 lbs and 1.8 ounces she was 19 inches long. She was only a little late and was a very very accommodating baby as she waited until her mommy's finals were done and mommy had nothing to do but wait for baby. This is the first niece or nephew that I have had since I had Ashlynn. All others have been born at various different stages of trying or being or having lost a pregnancy. ( Or were born before I started dating Dave) It was a new experience for me. You see with the rest of them I had a sense of joy that was more focused on a baby and being an Aunt etc. With our little M. for the first time ever I had an incredible sense of excitement and expectation for my sister in law. You see, for the first time.... I knew what it meant for Shannon that she was a mother. For the first time I was overjoyed because I knew that someone new in this world was on the road to discover that overwhelming love and gratitude that motherhood brings. She embarked on a journey that includes a great deal of self-discovery as well as the discovery of a new person. This world will be opened anew for her as she watches it being discovered through the eyes of a child. That wonder and awe will be transmuted into her and she will be blessed because of it. So Congrats to Shannon and M. May there be many many years of happiness.
Unfortunately on Christmas day my cousin lost her baby. They had been trying for several years and were overjoyed at the prospect of becoming parents. As I am many miles away I have been keeping in touch via e-mail and trying to keep her spirits up through it all. There are so few words that make something like this right. It seems so unfair. And of all days the day when miracles are supposed to happen. Strangely I have suffered with many friends during the loss of a baby or a pregnancy, this is again the first time since I have had a healthy baby born that has survived. It has hit me harder as I know now what has been lost. Before I had a loss of dreams and hope. I would be filled with a desperation of wanting a child and being terrified that I would never have one during my own losses. I felt the the loss the same manner for friends who were in the process of miscarriage or who were grieving a baby's death. This time it is slightly different. As I watch my cousin grieve in the same manner I did two and three years ago, I am heartbroken for the experiences that this steals from her. In so many ways it seems so unfair. The one solace that I have is that I have been through this loss and because of my own experience I can perhaps be some small bit of help and hope. So my condolences to J and B. May you always know how very much I love you.
The holiday is over now and I am grateful for it to be over. We focus now on the coming new year and the promise that it offers. My Dave's birthday is on New Years Eve so we focus in our household on Daddy having a wonderful birthday. We focus on getting a USB cord so that I can share the photos with you that I have been taking of my daughter..... I am about ready to break a leg or two as he insists that he knows where it is and to give him a bit and he will get it for me... but that it is in with his cords and stuff so that HE needs to get it.... This has been going on since roughly August and MOMMY IS RUNNING OUT OF PATIENCE.... especially as he has a port on his computer that lets him down load from the memory card. I may just hijack his computer.....But some how some way I will have pictures on this blog very soon.... by hook or by crook. ( that is fair warning to you David)

Ah the joys of pregnancy. Today I put on a pair of just laundered jeans that have been good friends for a while and I was faced with a startling discovery. They don't fit anymore. At ten weeks it seems a bit early for that ... especially when you consider that according to the doc's scale all I have done is lose weight. These jeans have been with me through most of my pregnancies and on two different occasions I was able to fit into them for the trip home. With A I was wearing them to my 6 week check up... but give me a break I got bigger with her. I have read that you get bigger quicker with each pregnancy... but that really wasn't the case with any of my other pregnancies. But then to be fair A was the only pregnancy that stretched my stomach to the limit and then some. I have also read that you get bigger period with each pregnancy. I guess we will see, though I was pretty sure that I couldn't possibly get bigger ever period end of sentence at about 39 weeks with A.
So I have reached it. You know that point of pregnancy where people start to think that you are gaining weight and you want to wear a sign that says "I'm getting bigger because I am pregnant. Its not the holidays taking their toll!" I have always been grateful to get passed this point to the one where people start to get questions in their eyes when they look at you. You know the point where you want to wear a sign that says " Yes thank you I am pregnant! Thank God you could tell!" So I suppose before long I will be hauling out those maternity clothes and taking stock of what I have to wear. One good thing about having so many pregnancies is that I have a lot to look over. One bad thing is that I DETEST those clothes! I have been in them for so long that it seems like they are starting to define me. Sigh but this WILL be the last time. I swear it.
I can tell you all with out a shadow of a doubt that this one is going to be a boy. No we haven't had a test that tells me. I just know. You see all of my pregnancies have been fairly close together giving me a great opportunity to be able to compare them with fairly good accuracy( as long as I am not mixing pregnancies up in my head. Hey don't put anything past me!) You see with the girls I craved sweets. All day long I was looking for sweets. So I satisfied myself with fruits and sweeter veggies ( like Carrots.) This guy however is doing similar things to me as my sweet little boy did. I want weird and nearly disgusting foods and I want them NOW if not sooner. We are talking sour kraut and Brussels sprouts. God the other day we had both in one sitting HEAVEN. The only thing that could possibly have made it better is chocolate milk with them. No I am not kidding... my mouth is watering just THINKING about it. And the other day I opened up a can of salmon for the cat and it was all I could do to not grab a fork and start shoveling. The only thing that stopped me was that I was feeding the cat that can because we had no cat food and it had to last until Dave's check. So this weekend when Dave went shopping and forgot that can of salmon I almost cried. Seriously I was as close to tears as a grown woman can get about that sort of thing. So I had to go back to the store today and my lunch was glorious. I had a can of salmon ( to myself Dave and A wouldn't touch the stuff) and saltine crackers, cup of diet grape pop and I went to town. Oh the bliss the marvelous bliss of it all. You tell me why that was so good to me and sitting down to a hamburger or a pork chop makes me run for the bathroom. I couldn't begin to tell you. You explain to me why this pregnancy has me SOOOO much more sick than ANY of the others... the only one that can begin to compare is Aidan's but it too paled in comparison to the bathroom trips I have made with this pregnancy. There was a point with Aidan where the only thing that I could eat was cocktail shrimp. GOD the thought I could just tuck in and come up for air maybe next week. I am weak at the knees just thinking about it. So yes I am really really convinced that we will be meeting a little boy in a few months. And I am thoroughly convinced that I am indeed pregnant. There is nothing in this world that could create the various food combination cravings that I am having except pregnancy. Because I am aware of how strange the combos are that I come up with... but they are sooo yummy together. Well I gotta go there are some snack sized pickles in the refrigerator that are calling my name.... they would go so well with some hot chocolate right now. : )

How has she changed me.... let me count the ways

The other day Dave was marveling over me cleaning up A's snotty nose, laughing about how two years ago I couldn't have done it. He wasn't joking. I can handle a lot of things with remarkable aplomb. A has handed me any number of truly gross and disgusting messes over the course of her lifetime. Most I have handled fairly well, if not without pause. There are few things that have ever stopped me in my tracks, but I learned with my stepson Keagan that snotty noses was where I had to draw the limit. Poopy diapers bring 'em on. Spit up and Puke No prob. Snotty noses....um stop..... I ah don't think so. Dave and I had an agreement with Keagan I changed all the poopy diapers and he wiped all noses.

That worked with Keagan who we saw every other weekend. It hasn't worked so well with A, who has really been my sole responsibility 24/7. So I have had to, well, adjust. I have had no choice. But the funny thing is that it hasn't been nearly as difficult as you might think. I have not just wiped snotty noses ( and more than I care to think about Thank You) I have also shared my drink with a little girl with a snotty nose. ( Just Ask Dave the sharing of the drink is big no no number two that had to go to the wayside) I have kissed a snotty slobbery teething mouth. I have kissed a candy cane sticky face. I have done a million things that I would never in a million years thought I could do.
I ask you though what can you do when the face you love most in the world is lifted to yours offering you a kiss with that tiny little mouth open. I certainly don't have what it takes to say no. Instead I assess the situation... man up and pucker up. I love my daughter so much in fact that I will indeed kiss her whenever she asks for a kiss. I would pretty much do anything for that little girl.
There are a million other changes that she has brought about... Physically and emotionally, mentally and psychologically. I haven't objected to a single one. The other day she put her foot up with a howl of pain and then tearfully made a kiss sound. You guessed it. I kissed that sucker. But then that certainly wasn't the first time that I kissed that little foot. In fact while feet never really were something I thought much about before I had my daughter they are perhaps my favorite part on that little girl. I play with and tickle and kiss and pretend to eat those little things until she begs for mercy. The little piggies have been not just introduced but are best friends of my daughter. Once again a change that I have made with little or no protest.
Motherhood has changed me so many ways. I love deeper now than I did before. I take life a little slower and I laugh at least once for every hour that my daughter is awake in the day. In short motherhood has changed me so much for the better that I can hardly measure it all. And I haven't so much as peeped in protest. As a matter of fact I owe my daughter an enormous debt of gratitude.

So I was reading the last few blogs and I have realized that I don't care for the tenor of said blogs. You see while I have a few challenges in my life I am not one that wants to focus on them for any great length. So I apologize.... even though it does feel good sometimes to get things off of my chest just like any other human on the face of the earth. I also don't in any way want to convey the thought that I am not enjoying motherhood... or that I am not excited about the new one to come. Both of those things could not possibly be further from the truth.
I LOVE motherhood. I mean like crazy deep love. The kind that no one can really explain we just know that it is there. I especially love being A's mother. She is smart and she is beautiful and she is my princess! Everything a mommy could possibly want in the world plus more than I thought that I could want all rolled into the cutest little package that somehow keeps getting cuter... explain that one to me.
I am also very excited about impending motherhood again. I've had my ups and downs about it. I have even cried tears about it... I have no idea how Dave and I are going to support a family of four... we are having a hard time with a family of three. There will have to be changes... I may have to go to work. Dave may have to get a different job. There are all kinds of things that still need to be ironed out. That if absolute... but the other day I went to the doctor and I cried a different kind of tears. You see the other day I heard his heartbeat for the first time. ( Yes I am convinced this will be a boy... no I won't be disappointed as long as he/she is healthy) It was a craps shoot to even try and as the midwife was trying she was warning me that it is really way too early and not to worry if we can't hear it. You see by doppler the earliest that you can hear usually is 10 weeks. I have yet to hit that point I am 9 weeks and a few days ( 2 days when we tried.) So we tried on the off chance that we would get to hear our little booger. We had already done an ultrasound so we knew he was there and fine. For a bit all we could hear was mine slow and steady... but then shuushh shuushh shuusshh There he was at roughly 130 beats per minute though it was hard to measure because of mine getting in the way. So there our little nugget was safe inside of mom with his little heart beating away. Paula was SHOCKED. She told me that it is a really good sign to have such a strong heartbeat so early. It says a lot that it was strong enough to be audible. So we have a few ( three and a few days) weeks left until I get a cerclage and then three weeks after that we start 17-P and from there well we keep our fingers crossed because it worked once before.
For the record my Dave is really really excited that we are having another so close to A. He told me that he really likes the idea of the kids being so close together so that they can be good friends. He said that he wished he could have been closer in age to his siblings so that he could have had that built in friendship growing up. I hated to burst his bubble but when Shawn and I weren't best friends ( the frequency of which varied from age to age) we were worst enemies. You see I have been with Dave for 8 years and he has made me mad a few times seeing red blistering hot mad... but no one and I mean no one on God's green earth has ever managed to make me as mad as my brother Shawn has a few times. Once he literally got me so mad that I jumped up and down screaming at him and completely forgot about the sprained ankle that I was still on crutches for. When the pain hit me like a ton of bricks I think Shawn would have done anything in this world to keep me from telling my parents that it was his fault... which of course it wasn't I was the one doing the jumping... but don't think I didn't have him hopping for the rest of the day.
There are a lot of reservations that I have about having another child, aside from the financial issues. I am so torn... because my little girl deserves all of her mama for a little while longer doesn't she. Isn't it better to have waited a bit and focused on her for a time longer? Wouldn't it be better for her to have waited so that she can nurse unhindered until she is ready to wean? Is she going to be able to make the transition easily to being an older sister? Are her feelings going to be hurt when mommy and daddy have another baby to love and care for? There is even the question of what if I like her better than him? Can I love them both? Stupid questions I know. I watch my parents with their three kids and I know that we are all loved intensely if some what differently. The relationship between myself and my mother is vastly different say than it is with either of my brothers. Not just because I was a girl, but because I am a different person. Those differences make for a richer and more dynamic family unit. There is the part of me that is so excited that my little girl is going to have the chance to have a brother or sister that she will be able to interact with. She is one of many being the fifth of Dave's children and the third of mine, but we don't ever see two and two others passed away. This will be a living breathing brother or sister that she will grow up with, and that can't be a bad thing.
I guess what I have been trying to say is that this pregnancy is fraught with questions and perhaps even a little bit of turmoil. There are a million questions and as per usual the universe is playing the hand close. I am constantly looking for answers and none are forth coming. So I feel like I am sailing with out a compass at times. But truly there is little time to ponder such things because my pride and joy my reason for being has woken from her nap and there are much better things that I must do. Like read the same book the millionth time, when your arms are full of perfect it really doesn't seem to matter how many times you've read the book.

What kind of day is this going to be?

I ask you what kind of day could it have been when I woke to the sound of my daughter filling her pants. Yes yes Too much info I know. How do you think I felt? So I drag my sorry butt out of bed to change the pants so she doesn't have to sit in the mess ( even though my strongest inclination was to roll over and snuggle back into the covers!) So out we go to the living room where I start the process of changing her little rump. Once her little rear is clean she pulls her usual roll and run while I am distracted with rolling up the diaper. No biggie I figure that I have something real quick to grab and what harm can a baby naked from the waist down do anyways.... HMMM.... Well my friends as I am rifling through her pants to find a pair for her to wear I hear an ominous sound.... Like she was filling her diaper only... S*&T! So I look over and there standing in front of my christmas tree is my half naked cherub who looks as innocent as can be, so I think maybe it was just a stinker..... Here's hoping as I see her starting to sit down to play with a present. "NO" I shout as I start running "Ash" I scream as I stumble across the floor. She for the record not used to hearing the panic in mom's voice thinks this is great fun and starts to giggle. In what really could only have been a few seconds ( no matter how long it felt) I was over there to assess the damage. Yes my young one had made a mess a HUGE mess! the onesie that she had on had gotten it all over and it was all over her legs and on the floor and I was aghast.
So I scoop up my messy daughter and haul her over to the area on the floor where I had been changing her and much to her displeasure started the process of cleaning her up, all to a chorus of screeching because she wanted to play at the Christmas tree. While I tried to clean up my child was twisting bucking and rolling and making it a decidedly difficult chore. I managed to clean her up and the floor and the clothes and was sitting in the aftermath of shock when my husband came rolling out of the bedroom. " What was all the ruckus?" he asks me casually. So I relay the whole sordid tale. His eyes get wide and he laughs hysterically and then says "Please tell me I am not sitting in the mess" I really wished at that moment I could have told him yes, but no I informed him I had already cleaned the mess up. "Good" he says and relaxes still chuckling.
So I ask you again.... What kind of day could I possibly have had when it started out like that!

I love you but you're irritating me right now!

I apologize in advance for this whine session. There is really nothing more irritating than a whiner I know. Today has been one of THOSE days.... you know the day that you think nothing else can go wrong only to find out that God took that as a dare and whoops there you go it gets worse. A large part of it all is my attitude, I am aware of this. But Dang some days you just want a break. I am tired of the constant struggle.... trying to figure out how to fit all the peices into the puzzle.
So here goes.... it is Christmas.... and we are broke. I'm not talking presents are a little light this year maybe next year will be better. No we are more in the how will we make it to next week boat. I am grateful that we had taken care of A in August.... but that is little solace when we are bouncing checks for dinner. ( Well no that's not really true... it is really good to know that she will have gifts to open.) And here we sit looking at the fact that we are having another in a few months.... and we haven't purchased a single present for a single person... in favor of leaving the bounced checks for dinner.
This puts me in a less than stellar mindset. Couple that with a teething baby who also has a cold and is just over an ear infection and a daddy who never lets anything bug him.... and there is disaster on the horizon. I am a worrier. I stew and worry and think things over until I have an answer and when I don't find and answer I just worry more. This leads to a little bit of depression over our less than stellar situation. So the house has been a little hard to be in today as I have been in a tough mood and so has A. Dave has been avoiding both of us..... which is impossible when your house is as small as ours.
So in total desperation Dave sent me to the store to pick a few things up.... in hopes of improving my mood by getting me out of the house. This was already a bust as I did a few calculations after writing my check and realized that we can't fill the tank with out overdrawing. F*&%K! So on the way home the car ( that we had to fix last weekend) kills on me not once but twice. Both times showing me that little battery light. Double F*&$K! Dave was really cool when I told him not only that we couldn't afford gas but that he was going to spend his Sunday trying to figure out what is wrong with the car.
That doesn't even get into the brand new pack of butt wipes all over the house because the kid found them.... or the full bowl of dog water that was dumped all over the kitchen because the kid found it.... or the fact that every time I sit down for five seconds I am supposed to have velcro baby in my lap. Nor does it touch on the fact that she got into my files today ( 7 years of check stubs all over the floor) or the 45 minute nap that wasn't NEARLY enough. As I sit here stealing five minutes to type I am listening to screaming that makes my fingernails hurt. And I'm going to have another one of these demons.
I have read about these days from other parents. The I love my kid but please save me from them moments. I've even had them.... but today has been a tough one for all of us.... and it ain't getting any easier for sure. Calgon Take Me Away! Gratefully these days are few and far in between. And hopefully we will all be able to wake up on the correct side of bed tomorrow. Right now I just want PEACE!
As I said in the beginning I do apologize. As a rule I try to complain as little as possible. We all have our struggles, and mine are really very trivial in the long and the short. I have a husband who loves me and a beautiful daughter. I have a family that does what they can and friends who are there for me. Nor are my troubles all that unique right now. It just felt good to vent. And now let me say I hope you all have a very merry Christmas and that you spend it with people you love. I will be and that makes me very blessed indeed!

Little new little old

Well I think we may have finally beat the ear infection. We had her in for a recheck today.... On Tuesday we had her in the office with a 101.6 temp but Doc wanted to give meds more time. So we toddled off to the doc today and were given the all clear... aside from the cold that she has picked up now. I guess it is always something. I myself was back at the doc today too. The antibiotic that I was given last week didn't cut it and I am sick again... or really still as I never did get completely well. I have been coughing and hacking for a week straight and I am SO TIRED OF COUGHING. Not to mention around about the third day of constant coughing it occurred to me that it could be causing problems for the little one that I am carrying as the reason for so many losses was an incompetent cervix. So I called MFM and guess what it could indeed be causing problems but we cannot do anything because it is too early in the pregnancy. So we are trying instead to control the cough. So we are praying that we can keep it under control until I am well enough that I don't need to cough anymore. Then we are hoping for no more colds coughs or otherwise until the cerclage gets put in. ( 4 weeks from now.)
Its been busy around here with every one getting sick. Dave finally started sniffling today.... but he will be over it in an hour, he always is. Both of my parents are on the second round of antibiotics too. Stay well if you can folks cuz it is UGLY stuff this year.
As to other news. We are still pregnant and spotting is minimal... although the coughing does produce some. I am also still nursing... although it is not an easy road to follow some days. I have to drink tons of water to ensure that I have enough for everyone and if I let myself get even a little dehydrated then the milk supply goes down. A doesn't like that. We found that out the hard way when a few weeks ago I didn't have any purified water around to drink ( we can't drink our well water we live in a Super Fund that makes you sick.) So I was drinking other things diet pop and the like. That evening while trying to nurse A there just wasn't anything there. So I sat there holding a crying baby sobbing about how this wasn't what I wanted while my mother got her a bottle of juice. Yes we resorted to a bottle but the child needed comfort in the same manner she gets from nursing so it seemed like a good choice. These days I do not let myself run out of water and everyone is on task to make sure I am drinking enough.
The other part of nursing that is tough is that these days there are times when it is excruciating to have her nurse. That gentle little tingle of milk letting down is now a nerve wrenching painful tingle and my nipples are tender from the pregnancy. God Forbid she should get on there wrong. I am in misery! With her teething right now there is also the inevitable little bite that causes serious issues for me. Not to mention with her new found abilities and activity has come some interesting and creative nursing positions. The other day her squirming had her falling off of my lap while still latched on. YEEEOWCH! There are definitely moments when I wonder if I am crazy. And then there are the times that I am certain that I am. The thing is that she needs this from me and for as long as I can do it. I am committed to giving my child the best that I can.... I won't let a new pregnancy get in the way of that... yet. There will come a day when I most likely will have to wean her or greatly limit her... but it hasn't come yet. Right now I am focusing on giving my little one everything I've got to give.
In the interest of doing just that I am going to go curl around my little one who is napping and offer the healing touch of love.... for both of us.

Been a while!

Wow how quickly time can fly sometimes..... and we weren't really even having fun. How it has been a week since the last time I posted I don't know. Last week I was at the clinic ( all the way across town) every day except Friday. We found out that A is allergic to the Amoxicillin that they put her on. So we were off to see the doc and get some more. I had several visits also including one where I myself was put on antibiotics for this stupid upper respiratory crap. Nearly every one in our combined households have been put on something in the last week or two. The only one so far that is unscathed is Dave. Punk! I was officially transferred to MFM at one appointment and all of my insulin was upped at another. And this weekend we looked forward to some much needed rest. Which sort of happened. But A spiked a temp to 101.6 and we are now wondering what the heck is going on because we are already on an antibiotic. Doc told me today that I should wait until tomorrow and if she still has a temp she has to go in.... here we go again.
Here's hoping it is viral and she will be her normal self tomorrow.
I know that all of you are looking forward to a real update both on A and on the new kid on the block. But truthfully..... as busy as we have been there has been very little forward movement. I do have to brag for a minute or two though. When we were in the waiting room for me on Wed. there was another little girl who was 6 days older than A. This child was all over the place giving her mommy a hard time. I had brought a few toys for A and she was playing quietly. There were several other people in the waiting room. There were a few girls who were stunned that the two were so close in age saying that they thought that the other girl was much older because of the running around that she was doing. I just smiled because I know my daughter and while she can certainly keep me running not in a busy place where there are a lot of people that she is uncertain of.
The other little girl was called into the office and then all of a sudden all of the attention was focused on A. She just kept doing the things she always does. She was drinking from a sports bottle of water... and then she wiped off her mouth. Stunned one of the women said I have never seen a baby do that. Then A proceeded to put the top back on the bottle and click it into place. "Oh My God that is amazing!" another woman says. She then took it off and it landed under the table she looked up at me and said " Get it" as clear as day and when I did so said " Thank you" also so clear that all of the women in the room could clearly understand her. " Wow" said a third woman " You have an incredibly clever child." A continued to do these things that Dave and I take for granted really and kept her audience enthralled up until I was called in to the office. The woman who remarked on A's cleverness stated that she was a teacher and that she saw amazing potential in A. You should have seen Dave light up. He was sitting there like a lit up Christmas tree.
When we left he mentioned the other girl and how much more active she had been. I just smiled at him and told him..." Our child sat and played at that office not because she couldn't run around and play like the other child.... but because she took stock of the room and decided that there were a few to many risks for her to get too far away from mom and dad. So she sat contentedly playing at our feet secure that we were there and that she was safe." That's my girl! Cautious to the bone.... and makes the right decision after weighing the pros and cons. Not a bad way to be.
Well until next time.... and hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.

Its all such a pain in the ear!

I hope that you all have had a wonderful holiday weekend, and that there were no casualties on black Friday. I myself did not go shopping ( I know, right!) Instead I sat in a chair with a stuffed up head wishing that I could take something and sighing with martyrdom. ( is that a word I think it is, cool) My daughter also was feeling somewhat less than stellar a situation that has continued through the weekend. We have waffled ( Okay I have) all weekend about whether a trip to the doctor was needed. This morn I am afraid it came all too clear that our little one needed to go to the doctor when after an extremely fussy night of tossing, turning and crying.... she cried for 2 hours straight tugging at her ear. A dose of Tylenol helped to stop the crying.... though not nearly fast enough for anyone involved in the situation. What that dose of Tylenol did do however was create a well behaved little angel who billed and cooed at the doc ( until he tried to look at her throat, then things got a little ugly.) Still and all doc looked into her ears and pronounced that both of them were red and sore and in need of attention. He prescribed Amoxicillin for the babe and sent us on our merry way.
So double ear infections and she still has the same cold that I have. It has taken down the strongest of men... but this precious little lady is running around with an impish smile on her face. ( So long as mom keeps the Tylenol flowing { in appropriately measured doses and times of course}) I have indeed been blessed with a child with the temperament of a saint. ( although you may want to check back with me when she is two and some change... and NO I do not want to hear my words back when the day comes!) We are dealing with a slight amount more of fuss than normal, but otherwise we are still smiling after all this. Gotta love her... I do!
Today is Dave and my anniversary! It has been tough on him living with me, but he has made it another year; barely : ) The trip to the doc was not in our plans, but hey thats parenthood for ya. We had big plans for this weekend. We had intended to go to a water resort in the Dells ( my parents would babysit!) and spend a nice weekend in a room with a jacuzzi and have fun. While we do not play the stocks the economy has had its own effect on Dave and I and those plans got whittled and whittled and whittled again. First we were just going to stay one night. Then we were going to just stay in town and catch dinner and a movie. Then it became just dinner. Well when all was said and done my parents babysat while Dave and I went to the grocery store and picked up a few discount steaks to bring home and cook. Flexible thy name is the middle class. In fact I'm starting to think that if others are in the same boat that we are... a grocery card would be the best gift to give for Christmas. Not mind you that I am complaining in any way about my anniversary. I am spending it with my two favorite people in the world.... and how could that ever be bad?! And I sure as heck wouldn't want to be anywhere but here with her when she is feeling so cruddy. No sometimes the plan for us is better than the plan that we make. Always a good thing to remember.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

This is A's second thanksgiving feast in her life. We will be going over to my grandmother's house shortly to spend it with my extended family. My mother will be having thanksgiving at her house early on Sunday. We were supposed to be then going to Dave's father's house on Sunday for our third feast of the weekend. Those plans however fell through for a couple of reasons. Firstly I have been spotting a little. Old blood and not much.... but still scary. Also I have a terrible cold ( and now so does A) I also have a before mentioned back injury that has me still in pain, the combination has made my doc suggest that I stay close to home. As Dave's father is an hour drive away it seemed like a less than good idea to keep that particular dinner date.
Let me put some minds to rest with the spotting issue: While it is a big thing and not a good sign... it is also par for the course with my pregnancies. There is not a single pregnancy that has made it past the first trimester that I haven't been in the doc's office for spotting.... well for that matter the ones that ended in the first trimester I was there for bleeding too, just a lot more bleeding. So we are watching it and I am supposed to be on the couch resting.... well that translates into I am only just taking care of my daughter. The rest of the house is a shambles and it will stay that way for a little while so that this pregnancy can be given the best chance that I can give it. I guess that means that I won't be shopping all day tomorrow..... That makes TWO years in a row that I have missed out on Black Friday. Next year I will have two that will be in diapers and carseat.... ( sigh) perhaps I will have to adjust my entertainment activities from this point forward.
A woke up this morning very congested and hacking. Not fun. She is still a contented and easy going baby. She just is more cuddly.... ummm in what world is having the cutest baby on the face of the earth wanting to cuddle with you a bad thing... yeah I didn't think it existed either. I must say though that my daughter is extremely cuddly on any given day so to say she is more cuddly is saying a lot. I love that she is snuggly and cuddly. I adore that she leans in every few minutes for mommy to kiss her head. Being as mommy is me that makes for a really wonderful way to spend my time. I just wish that she were feeling better for all of it.
I read recently that the power of touch for a child who is ill is near to miraculous. In the article it was saying that a study had shown that children who were lovingly touched by their parents when they were ill were faster to recover from said illness. The article suggested curling up with the child in bed or snugging the child down into your lap to read to or watch television with her. It purposed that parents should spend as much time as possible caressing the child's head and hair. It also suggested that children who receive such treatment as part of the normal day will have a stronger immune system to begin with and will not be ill nearly so often as children who do not receive affection from their parents. So my snuggly little girl will never be turned away from a cuddle or snuggle in that name of her health. Not mind you that I ever needed a reason of any sort to cuddle the light of my life.
My Granny told me a few weeks ago that you can always tell the baby that is well loved. A never doubts that there is a cuddle or a kiss for her when she comes to mommy or to daddy. She is loved because she IS. She is snuggled be cause she is nearby. She is cuddled because ... well just because. My Gran stumbled upon the best compliment that she could ever give me as a mother. My child may not always look neat. She may not always behave like a perfect little angel. These things are part of growing up and also part of being a parent. My child will always be loved though. Loved through and through. She will always be dealt with lovingly and to know that it shows in her behavior or her trust of me, makes me feel incredible. I will screw up a lot of things as a parent, because just as my child is learning to become part of the human race I am learning to be a parent. Perfection is not something that I am looking for in my parenting. If so I would have disappointed myself a long time ago, and A is still very young. I will however consider myself a success if my children always know that they are loved. I can't ask that they know how much... because there is no way that they CAN know the extent. I just ask that they know that they are loved. Some day when they hold their own child.... they will look at me with a sense of awe and they will say to me.... " I never really knew! God mom I never knew!" That will be enough for me.
Now I gotta go because my little one is napping and in the interest of her health I have got to go curl myself around her.

Houston we have a heartbeat!

Pregnancy news first I suppose as my title is about it. We ( all three of us) went to my first maternal fetal appointment yesterday. Most of the people who work there were on the first baby journey ( some of them with us on several of the lost baby journeys also) and all were amazed by how much Ash has grown. Everybody was highly impressed by her gorgeous bright blue eyes. We spent the afternoon saying " thank you we think she is beautiful too." and "Oh those are daddy's blue eyes to be sure!" ( just a note here.... there is nothing in this world that can get you on my good side faster than to compliment my child!) At any rate I digress. So we went to our first MFM ( maternal fetal medicine) appointment yesterday. For those of you who do not know the significance of those powerful little letters MFM is the braintrust of obstetrics. These are the highrisk doctors who know everything about everything when it comes to a highrisk pregnancy. And I am a very high risk mom. So the first thing that we did was go in for an ultrasound. We were looking to date the pregnancy and get a good idea of the due date. Now this was already done at the OBs office but every office likes to do their own. So off we toddled and twenty minutes later we had pictures of the new guy and a whole lot of relief. It took a bit of time to find that little heartbeat and that caused some high drama in the US room. When the heart beat was found it was hiding behind the yolk sac and was 120 beats per minute. Our problem the earliness of the pregnancy.



This new ultrasound has shown that the new guy is in fact a week younger than we had thought ( or there abouts) We now have a due date of July 19 2009. This one is more accurate as we actually were able to see the baby and date the pregnancy off of the size of said baby ( well blob right now). We then went through the rigmarole of changing me all over to MFM. I am now in their hands through to the 6 weeks postpartum and will not go see my OB for the rest of the pregnancy. A plan was laid out for our approach and we have set off down the road.

As it stands now: We will be seeing the dietitian in early Dec., the endocrinologist in Mid Dec. We will have a clinic and take a "peek" at the babe in mid Dec. We will in very early Jan have an ultrasound and NT scan followed by a cerclage put in at 13 weeks. We will start the 17-P shots at 16 weeks at which point we will see the docs once a week from that point forward. At 20 weeks we will have targeted ultrasound where we will find out boy or girl ( as well as a few other things like the general health of the baby : ) At 28 weeks we will start NST and biofeedback once a week and then at about 32 we will have them 2 times a week. We will also be doing monthly growth ultrasounds, as well as a fetal heart and kidney study. I will 99% sure have to have a C-section for several reasons the top being that was how A was delivered. And I am sure that this one will be delivered at around 39 weeks just as she was. So we have a plan, we have a heart beat, we have a baby, and we are off and running.


A is cutting teeth.... seems like that is a constant pass time for her any more. That makes her slightly grumpy and her sleep pattern hard to follow. She had her first play date on Tuesday! YAY! We went to a little class put on by the local library with Dave's cousin C and her little boy J. We had so much fun! We have a bit of a runny nose now and that could either be from some of the kids in the group or the teeth ( although they are bottom teeth and do not usually cause nose probs. ) We made a craft and we played and had a snack and she had a ton of fun. I think that it was good for her to have a little bit of contact with children as most of her contact is with adults. I was thrilled when C called and we have tentative plans to go to a group once a week or so. We will of course play it by ear because if there is one thing for sure it is that kids are tough to plan around.

I am still nursing A.... and she is still going strong. The MFM doctors said that they would like to see me wean by 20 weeks but support my choice to continue nursing. I am so glad to have their support, as I didn't really want to go it alone. I love my daughter and I am committed to ensuring that she get the most out of our nursing relationship as she can. I have found in my research that 70% of babies wean themselves when mom is pregnant by the 20th week anyways. The cool thing is that about half of that 70% go back to nursing when the new babe comes if they are young enough. If my daughter has weaned herself and looks to nurse when the new babe comes she will once again become a nursing baby. Dave and I have discussed and agreed that extended nursing is extremely beneficial for her and we are committed to offering every benefit with in our power to our child. Not that we will force the breast by any means if A has had enough than so be it. However, with an allergy to milk as well as eczema and seasonal hay fever the need for extended nursing is huge in our daughter though and so we are both happy to offer it to her.


There is another benefit to continuing to nurse A that is like the white elephant in the room. The research I have done says that nursing a still young child through pregnancy and continuing after the birth of the new child cuts down significantly on sibling rivalry. The idea is that by rejecting your child ( i.e. refusing to nurse because of a different child) and then offering it to a second child ( who is an interloper in the eyes of child 1) an innate rivalry is created. The flip of that is that by offering the breast to both children you create a common bond early as well as offering a prime example of shared love and nourishment. There is enough for everyone, and mommy loves this new guy a lot, but she loves me the same as she always has. I truly look forward to offering this kind of example to my two children. Even though by all accounts tandem nursing is an exhausting endeavor. I am hoping that I am up to it.

I have injured my back. I picked A up the wrong way and I have had three days of hell because of it. Dave stayed home on Wed because I was not able to do the simplest task of A. I hate back injuries. This being my first does not in any way lessen or lighten the burden of hate that I carry right now. I cannot pick up my daughter to cuddle her and we are both feeling that lack terribly. Here is hoping that it will heal soon. ( every one says it sounds like I tore a muscle... for the record I don't care I just want it better!) I am hoping that within the next few days things will ease up enough that I will be able to swoop her up for the cuddles that she wants. I DO NOT like the fact that my back hurts worse right now than it did the last few weeks of pregnancy with A. I am supposed to be able to ENJOY the beginning of pregnancy this time. ( SIGH) Thank God for understanding husbands.... well thank God for a lot more than that but Dave is a God send worth mentioning right now.

Well my princess is sleeping and right now all I can think about is crawling into bed next to her and cuddling for the next hour.... so hey what do you know that is what I am going to do. Life can be blissful despite back aches, teething and the other irritations that make it all interesting. Hope you all find the time this weekend to find something that creates an equivalent amount of happiness in you.




P.S. Yes we have ultrasound pictures... and Dave is planning on scanning them in.... however they are really just a blob so I will not share them unless there is a popular consensus that you would like to see them... let me know.

I had my first prenatal visit yesterday. We did an ultrasound but it is still too early to see much other than the fact that there is a pregnancy sack with a yolk and a baby in it. All good news. We are five weeks and six days pregnant, too early yet for a heartbeat. The dating of the pregnancy gives us a due date however. We are looking at a due date of July 11th 2009. The doctor wants me to stop nursing immediately, which I expected would be his response. When it became clear that I don't intend to and that my husband and I had already discussed in depth the pros vs cons of said choice he said " Well we will go forward then and hope for a good turn out and if we don't get one then we will have to be aware of the fact that a definite decision was made at the outset." He reiterated several times that I have a extremely high risk pregnancy and that all steps that can be taken to reduce the risk should be. He told me that I should take it extremely easy and spend as much time as I can sitting. I didn't laugh outright but please spend as much time sitting as I can with an active one year old on the prowl. Ummm not happening.

It was pointed out to me that the stress of nursing would be a new dynamic to the pregnancy that we didn't have last time, thus making it perhaps more risky. But then having a toddler at all is a new dynamic that will make pregnancy more risky. So we are embarking on a journey with lots of risk and no guarantees. So it basically sounds like any other pregnancy that I have had : ) There is little that I can do about the added stresses. If I could ship my little one off I wouldn't and the lack of guarantee hardly inspires in me the desire to immediately stop nursing my child when she is not ready to wean. She will let me know when it is time and we will take that journey together, when it is time.

Before you start thinking that I am taking foolish risks, I am not. I have researched my choice very carefully. I have read up on the risks and the possible problems. I have also read up on the flip side of it all. Yes nursing can cause contractions... however the contraction that are caused are not as strong as the contractions caused by orgasm during sex. Also the risk of those contractions is not great until you reach 20 weeks at which point my milk would have dried up and the baby would most likely wean herself. ( most do) Also once you reach the 20th week if the babe still wants to nurse then the contractions are more compared to Braxton Hicks than real labor contractions. They also usually stop when stimulation of the breast is stopped. So being as Braxton Hicks are expected by 20 weeks and I can stop nursing her if we have a problem I am not in favor of traumatising my daughter by cutting her off when it is a source of security for her. NOT to mention I can't sit out this pregnancy like the last one. A is walking and I am her primary caregiver. She isn't going to sit in one place because mommy needs her to. So I am going to put my faith in God and do what is needed to keep my family's life flowing.

Speaking of the light of my life she is sitting behind me right now in her highchair attempting to feed her self sweet potatoes. There are somethings that I just don't want to watch happen. I will clean the mess up when she is finished, and she is thrilled to dip the spoon in the food over and over again slopping it all over. Right now we are addressing a very sore butt. This is the first diaper rash that she has gotten so you will have to forgive me for the panic. My mother looked at it when I mentioned going to the doc and said "It's really not that bad. I've seen worse even on your butt when you were little." So I have calmed down a bit. I am changing her butt every 30-45 minutes need it or not to put more cream on it and let it to the air a little. Yes I am a freak but I am really not interested in my child hurting. One time when my stepson Keagan came over for a weekend his butt was so sore that it made me cry changing his diaper. He was such a little trooper telling me that it felt better now Lissa when we were done and I was crying as hard as he was. I DO NOT ever want to have to feel that bad again about my child's butt. So I am busy putting every possible fix on her butt at the same time, and yes perhaps I am a little psycho about it... but there is little that I find as heartwrenching as that cry that says " that hurts so bad" when I could keep it from happening. So I have preoccupied with the care of my favorite bottom in the world. Here's hoping that it gets better soon.

Halloween, Birthday parties, and other sundries

I do apologize for the delay in getting back to you guys. ( Do you ever feel like I apologize a lot for being remiss... I will have to work on that:( : P ) So many things have happened since I last posted....









We dressed up for Halloween













We ate Birthday Pie












We opened Birthday Presents










It has been a busy couple of weeks. On top of my child's birthday I have, since my last post, found out that I am pregnant. So I am busily producing the next of our progeny. Dave and I feel like we are on a tilt-a -whirl and one minute we are thrilled the next we feel slightly queasy... well alright its me that feels queasy, but still. As my young daughter had nothing to do with this new change and is not REALLY ready to wean yet.... I will be nursing her through the pregnancy. Before you get too upset I have spent the last 5 days or so researching this and it is healthy for both babes and for mom as long as mom eats healthy. I made a promise to my little girl though that I would nurse her until SHE is ready to wean, and that time has not come yet. I love her too much to take such a comfort away from her when we are embarking on a journey that may leave her feeling insecure. And yes before you ask if she has not weaned herself by the time the new babe comes I will tandem nurse them. I have also done research into that and it is also completely healthy for all involved so long as the new baby gets to nurse more in the early days to get the colostrum. Dave is 100% behind me on this ( good thing to because all I have read says that this is not an easy road and I will be EXHAUSTED.) This seems to be a good answer for our family though and nearly all of the anxiety of having two so young disappeared as Dave and I discussed this particular option. Nearly all of the research says that young ones that I tandem nursed in this manner are remarkably close and that they have relationships that are more like twins than siblings with space between them. As this is what I want for my children this is the choice that we have made. I am not foolish enough to think that this will be easy. Quite the contrary most articles say that it is exhausting and tough on mom at first... but having a baby is exhausting and tough on mom at first.
So here we go into uncharted territory in so many ways. I will have yet another high risk pregnancy, but this time I will have an active toddler to deal with also. I will continue to nurse, but now I will be pregnant while doing so. I hopefully will have another beautiful happy wonderful baby, though this time I will have to help my daughter to feel that this is an acceptable change to our family and she is not going lose her spot. I guess that Dave and I don't really know how to do things the easy way do we.

3.... 2.... 1.... Jump

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!

If a day makes a difference, a year makes a life. Today our little A has finally reached that milestone... that one year mark. at 11:39 AM she turned over a new year and it didn't even faze her. I have been looking forward to this day for many many weeks more so I think than I have ever looked forward to my own birthday.

It has been a year of drastic change and marvelous discovery. I have learned a million things from A even as she has had to learn the most basic of human skills. I have watched as she has practiced doing something repeatedly without complaint (if not frustration) in order to do it right. I have seen her fall on her butt endlessly only to giggle and get up to try again. I have watched her tackle rolling over, crawling, standing up, walking, talking, eating, feeding herself, you name it she tries it, all with a determination that nearly knocks me over. The child is the definition of perserverance and determination.

A year ago I lay looking at a blanket wrapped baby wondering who this person was. Knowing that this was my child and curious about her but not really having that immediate recognition that so many talk about. I was slightly worried as I thought that this was really not the way that a new mother should feel. I watched her get passed around from family memeber to family member with a sense of awe.... but no familiarity. It wasn't until I nursed her later that evening that I felt that recognition click into place.

In the days that followed her birth I realised that there was a learning curve to loving and that we would eventually get to the top, though we weren't there yet... or so I thought. As the love got bigger and bigger and filled more and more of me over the months I started to think that maybe, just maybe I would continue to learn about love as we went on in life, continually amazed by how it grows.

A year later I know that there is no limit, there is no top. This child as she becomes a person is more a part of me everyday. Even when we have a fussy day ( mommy can have them too) the love is monumental, the joy infinate. I have spent the year thanking God every single day for my child. I have thanked God for the ability to nurse her, to love her, to hold her. All of these things that I feared I would never get. When the world starts to get me down I look at her and I smile. When life starts to get hard I get down on the ground with her to play. When I need respite I cuddle next to her in bed. Truly this is a happy birthday, with many more to come... but I feel like I am the one who has gotten the gifts.

Breast is best?

My daughter is approaching her first birthday, very quickly. I am still nursing her and intend to continue for at least another six months to a year. (If not longer I make no promises : ) It has not always been an easy road. In fact there were moments when it was down right difficult, for a variety of reasons.


Despite what everyone says, despite what common sense says nursing does NOT come naturally at first and it isn't easy. I had an idealistic somewhat naive view of nursing before A was born. I saw a remarkable bonding time and an amazing opportunity to give an incredible gift to my daughter. All of those things are very true. But I kind of ignored the information about sore nipples and feeling overwhelmed. I glossed over the part about there being a learning curve. Instead I took from the information that I had only the information that I needed to make a firm decision about nursing. All in all I wasn't nearly as prepared as I needed to be... although I was as prepared I think as I could be. If that makes any sense?


When A came and I was inundated with all of the problems that the books warned of and a few that they didn't. I had sore nipples and I had a milk let down issue. I had a sore tummy from a C-section so had issues with her laying on my tummy. My milk took its time coming and my daughter was not okay with that. She would latch on and then she would scream at me. We went round and round with it. Things settled down and we found a happy medium at last.


I spent the first 2 months hating nursing. I figured that I would make it through a year and then be done with it. I owed that to my daughter. So I trudged through making the sacrifice for my daughter. I love her so much and every day it got bigger and more a part of me.


A started having eczema problems at about 6 weeks. And she was miserable. There were times that I didn't have a spot on my child that I could touch. In order to save her from pain I started pumping and feeding her bottles. It wasn't long that I realized how much I loved nursing my daughter. Wait a minute what..... yes I said that LOVED nursing her. I loved the quiet times with her... I loved the closeness and I loved the bonding. I loved everything about nursing.... and I wasn't able to do it. There was a day when I couldn't soothe her with a bottle or a nuk or cuddling or rocking. That was the day that I realized that she loved it as much as I did.


So I started nursing her again and we both were happier for it. We made it six months on just my milk... and then we introduced solid foods. Slowly at first and then with a little bit more speed. My little one really took to solid foods and so we offered them often. All of a sudden her nursing slowed a little bit. I was worried... especially as I had friends who se children refused the breast when offered solid foods. So I approached with trepidation that milestone, knowing that I had to for my daughter's health. We nursed mostly at night for a time while she took to the solid foods that were offered... but then something turned it in my favor again. My daughter started crawling. She started to move further and further away from me. Even venturing to at times disappear from my line of sight. What fun what fun. She started discovering the world around her... but as she did so she started nursing more and more. It was as if as she was pulling away in some ways she was pulling closer in others. How amazing! I was so worried about her weaning herself when she started getting independent and she went the opposite direction.

So here we are approaching a year and nursing is still very important to both of us... although it has taken on a bit of a different position in our lives. These days A nurses for security I think more than she does for nurishment. Although the nourishment is there as well as the immunities... and it is a great thing. I think that for A nursing is more like the loved teddy or the blanky that most kids have. A doesn't really have a security item. I was thinking about that the other day. But what she does have is me and my breasts. A falls down goes boom, she nurses. A hears a sound that unsettles her, she nurses. A wakes up in the night and needs a little bit comfort, she nurses. I allow her to nurse whenever she asks for it, and because of that... I have become A's security blanket. I suppose that for some that is the wrong answer, but for our family it works. Last night as we were settling into bed, A woke and became unsettled... so I nursed her. I chuckled and asked D if he ever thought my breasts would become this important... he laughed and said that he had thought that they always had been.
It has been a strange journey, nursing my daughter. We have moved through mom hating it to mom loving it to babe needing it. So here goes another year of nursing. I never in a million years expected to be saying that 11 months ago.

Walk this way!

It has been a while since I last posted. I am sincerely apologetic for the lapse... HOWEVER. Shortly after ( like an hour) A decided that she was to be a walkin fool. So I have been running around after my toddler. She is HYSTERICAL. She even tries t run when she knows that she is doing something naughty or has something that will be taken from her. It is hard to contain the laughter at times as my little drunken sailor daughter runs around the house going from one place to another getting into things that she is not supposed to be into.

It is now a common sight to see my little angel walking around the house a grin of delight on her face as she moves around the house like the adults do. She gets so excited with herself that she will often stop in the middle of the room and squeal and clap for herself. (Note at this point everyone else is supposed to clap also.) She still has a few balance issues so every now and then she will thrust her arms out for leverage and I swear it makes her look like an uncoordinated white guy trying to break dance. She cracks me up.

She has also discovered stairs. So when I am at my parents house I am constantly pulling her off of the stairs. I let her get to the fourth stair then pull her down put her across the room and follow her to the stairs where I let her get to the fourth one then pull her down and put her across the room. I feel kind of like an old fashioned type writer with manual return.

Nothing is safe in our house any more. NOTHING. The child will climb to get it if she can't reach it. She clambers over things and uses shelves like a step ladder. She climbs off the bed now ( Dave and I couldn't afford a frame to go with our bed and it works out great unless you want her to stay in bed: ) For the first time I was alerted to the fact that nap time was over by my daughter coming out of the bedroom. What is this world coming to?
In a few short days my little princess is going to be a year old. Where did it go? The time that is. I think back on her first few weeks, months even and they are a blur. She is growing so fast. Every morning I wake to a new child, she is changing so fast. So I have made a pact with myself... Enjoy it. Every single second. A comes up to have a book read, I read it. She shows me a toy, we play with it. She asks for up, I grab and cuddle her. She wants to nurse, I drop everything. I cannot get this time back once it is gone. So I embrace every moment with her. My child has no idea that the world does not revolve around her. The "S" word not withstanding I am working to keep it that way. For the record my child is not spoiled... she is cherished.

new photos of the pumpkin

A little more cheese please!

No Dave didn't find the USB cord... but he can down load the card directly to his computer and then transfer it all to my computer. So that is what has been done.... now that is an entirely unsatisfactory situation due to the absentmindedness of my husband. But for right now we have new photos well new for you. I was looking at them and a few of them are as old as a month old. Not all of them are though ... not to mention I don't think that cute has a time limit on it.

So with out further ado here is the main attraction...

Hey daddy I don't think you're doing it right here let me!

Massive Huddle cuddle wanna join me?

Look Mom a really big mess in 3...2...1

A is able to walk across the floor these days with only one hand being held. She's not quite confident enough to walk to many steps with out that hand. Though she did make it 1/2 way across my parents living room last night before she realized that she was on her own and got so excited that she plopped onto her rear. Now that she is so close though she loves to practice. And we spend a good portion of our play time walking around in circles while I hold one hand. To be honest I am glad when she finds something else to do as it kills my back, and the large circles that she makes are not so large for me and so I end up making tight little circles that make me dizzy.
Who can resist that excitement and the smiles that she gets on her face because of it. She is so proud of herself and puffs up and grins from ear to ear when someone makes a fuss over her... which we all do as often as required. The walking is somewhat of a relief for the moment though as she had gotten so fast at crawling that it could be difficult to keep up with her. Full grown adults were taken by surprise in our household when she would dart.... not so much because we couldn't move as fast as her more because we would look away for a nanosecond and then we would have to figure out where she had gotten to in that split second and what trouble she had caused ( the fact that she has learned how to crawl up the stairs at gramps and granny's house makes that a scary situation.) So walking at her slower pace is a bit of a welcome relief, as she is slower and still needs some assistance. Though I am sure that is going to change in a matter of mere minutes just as every thing else has.
It seems like she has changed over night. One day she was an older baby who was on the verge of toddlerhood. When we woke up the next morning she was a toddler leaving the last vestiges of babyhood behind her. She has even started to look the part as she has gotten taller in the last few weeks and that has spread the baby fat out a bit. I am startled every time I look at her and I wonder where my baby daughter has gone. But this new little toddler who stands in front of me grins that little mischief maker grin that I love so much and I am a goner giggling and smiling at how beautiful she has become.
We have entered the realm of the belly laugh. Any one who has a little one can speak to this time. A time when seemingly everyday things sends her into gales of laughter that come from her toes. Belly filled guffaws mixed with giggly little squeals that causes any adult in hearing distance to shake their head and smile. Truly the fountain of youth is to keep a child about this age around you 24/7. Because you cannot help but laugh with her. The dog seems to be able to make her day. Abby is a patient soul for which we are very grateful, as A seems to find her endlessly fascinating and can be kept entertained for a good 1/2 an hour by rolling on the floor with the dog. We watch closely of course. Originally it was to be sure that the baby was safe from the dog.... that has changed now to ensure that the dog is safe from the baby. :) Abby as I said is endlessly patient, and we watch closely to be sure that she is not tested too much.
A's favorite pass time these days seems to be listening to books read to her. I have been reading to her since she was very young. I purchased books for her at Christmas time, over Dave's protests that she was too young. I figured that it is never too young to start a good habit with your child... and reading is certainly something I count among good habits. Not only did I read board books intended for a baby but I would read to her out of magazines that I was reading. It seems to have taken as there are several books that are read to her six and seven times a day. She also will "read" the books to you if you let her. She will turn the pages and babble a little bit on every page. Clearly it is a pass time that she enjoys, which makes my year. As a reader myself I am excited to have a little reader. That is one of the joys that my family has shared since I was young. Sharing books, discussing them over dinner and frequent trips to the book store. I am thrilled that this love will pass on. My only complaint is that there are a few of her books that are her favorite and I have them memorized now and in fact often find lines from those stupid books going through my head when I am not even with my daughter. I mean yes I am glad that " Elmo like the elephant whose trunk swings left and right. With floppy ears and big feet she is quite a sight" is a sing song that she enjoys but I am a little afraid that I am going to start dreaming these books. Part of the problem is that they are sing songy so that they catch attention of the little ones... but geez. Her birthday is coming up and I am going to have to get her some more books to save my own sanity.
Yes my little one has grown into a bigger little one. What an exciting 11 months this has been. I can hardly wait for the next 11. And yet....

just call her twinkle toes

A took her first steps this weekend. Four little steps so little, so big. Dave and I spent almost the entire weekend walking from place to place in the living room one of us holding her and the other holding out their hands. A little obsessed are we... Perhaps but we do happen to have the cutest kid on earth and she was eating up the attention. She would stumble walk from one of us to the other and then she would laugh and squeal with excitement right along with us. She had a ton of fun, and while she is not quite willing to let go of everything and go toddling off by herself she is much closer than she was a week ago.
I think that she has grown a foot in the last week, and that coupled with her new found bravery had us re-baby proofing the house all weekend. Shelves that were once out of reach are now extremely tempting. She will stand next to a table or a shelf that is just over her head and up goes the little hand... patting around on said table or shelf looking for some kind of devilment to get into. Cords and handles are dangerous right about now as they are used to drag the attached item down or if too heavy pull other attached item to her feet and then steady her as she tries to climb the piece of furniture that said item is resting on. If she can wrap her fingers around the edge of a piece of furniture at eye level she will do so and then scrabble with her feet trying to climb up and see what might be on it.
Yes our infant is now a toddler and she is hard to keep up with as she makes her way through the house destroying order and leaving chaos in her wake. Items placed in a basket are to be torn out and tossed over the shoulder... items on a shelf are to be ripped out and thrown at her feet ..... buttons are to be pushed on stereo, computer, TV, VCR, DVD player you name it if it has a button it must be pushed. Any paper that has been left foolishly ANYWHERE must be crinkled and tasted before it is thrown onto the floor and pushed at with the foot. Yes our house is a tiny little storm.... and I hear the wind picking up again... it looks as if the eye has passed over and the fun begins again.

Homewreaker

It is a whole new world in our house right now. We are living in what seems like a constant state of chaos. It should be a relatively easy thing to fix. Pick up a few items here put a few things away there and voila: house clean mission accomplished. I have always been fairly good at keeping things tidy... ( with the exception of my bedroom and that is nobody's business but my own and Jenny's when I was little ( LOVE YOU GIRL) : ) I have a creative flair for organization that makes my house usually functional and attractive. During my 2 years of pregnancy things got a little out of hand but I was looking forward to my non-pregnant self and the ability to move again to get my house back to what I feel is nice tidy and livable. I was a little slow at the line but I figured I would make up for it as I paced myself.
I never in my million years of wanting a baby actually was prepared for HAVING ONE. In some very measurable ways my life is so much easier now than it was when she was tiny. I have become accustomed to nursing in the middle of the night and we co-sleep: No problems. I have weathered the spit up and poop and drool and pee on every available linen and dress and... well any ways it is smooth sailing now. I have survived the what do I do with my baby who can't sit up and I have no place to put her stage: on to bigger and better things. Yes these are all things of the past. I somehow thought that it would get easier as time went on... and truthfully it has and it will continue. We have however come to a stage that is I am certain the cause of premature baldness in women... and it ain't gonna get any better.Uh ... Houston... WE have a CRUISER on our hands.
My house perpetually looks as if a tornado landed inside of it. A's path of destruction is unmistakable and her victims litter the floor in her wake. She moves from one shelf to another ripping items off of the shelves and tossing them over her shoulder. In a house that is so small and no closets there are a lot of shelves... and they have all been emptied. We have moved all of the items that could harm her to higher shelves so the items that she comes across on those shelves are things like linens and paperback books. Putting the items away before she goes to bed is futile.... as she will just take them out again and toss them over her shoulder.... sometimes as you are putting the items away. She doesn't take kindly to her hard work being destroyed. Still I try very hard to keep my house from being unlivable though while she is awake it is kind of like using a bucket to toss water out of a boat that has a cannon ball hole in it.
The other day as I was trying to get the dishes done I allowed her to take all of the linens out of the shelf in the kitchen. I really thought that she couldn't hurt much. She was happy as a clam until I looked over and noticed that at least three of the linens that were tossed over her shoulder had landed in the litter box for the cat. I keep it well scooped due to the baby but... um.... EWW. So I picked up the linens that were not soiled and put them back cleaned out the cat box and tried to move her to a different area to wreak her havoc on GASP her toys. Have you ever tried to keep a child from doing something once they realize that they shouldn't. No once she finds out I don't want her doing something it is like honey to a bee. And as I was not going to back down and allow her to put too many more items on my already large laundry list we had issues.
Yes my house has suffered indignities that no house should have to. In the name of keeping a kid happy. I only hope that she grows out of this stage soon... because at the rate she is growing I am not going to have higher shelf space left much longer.


P.S. I apologize profusely for the lack of photos... It isn't for lack of taking them. I do have one of the cutest kids on the earth, but I digress. No the lack of photos is due to the fact that my dear husband has lost the connection for the camera to the computer.... I am taking the photos but I cannot get them to you. How frustrating. Though I am sure it will be remedied soon.

I don't need no stinkin handles

Ooooh she is getting brave. I suppose I should bring you all up to speed on her talents for the poll and the sake of fairness. My little one is getting geared up for walking and it really seems like it could be any day... but then we said that about my niece R for what seemed like 6 months before she finally took off by herself. So I guess we will see. R was 15 months when she started walking. I took my first steps on my birthday.... I have no idea when Dave started walking... but his mom says he was a very careful little guy and was content sitting so he may have taken longer. I will have to ask her.
A has taken to standing in the middle of the room to look at something that she is holding in both of her hands. " Look Ma no hands!" She has gotten really good at adjusting her balance when it starts to get off of kilter too. Her newest skill is that she can walk nearly across the kitchen while holding on to only one of mommy or daddy's hands. And every now and then she turns around and starts across the floor like she forgot that she can't walk yet only to remember and plop onto her bum. She also now uses her walker in reverse style... by that I mean she stands next to it and pushes it in front of her using it to give her stability as she gets across the floor.
She has tumbled a few times like every other kid out there... but she hasn't had a fall bad enough that it has made her scared of falling. She just cries for a minute or two and then moves on to the next challenge. She is always trying something bigger and better. As a matter of fact she just tried a long distance cruise while I was writing this between the bookshelf and mommy. Alas it was a bit further than she could handle and fell backwards. She has survived the fall and is already trying bigger and better distances.
So the long and the short of it is that any day now I could be telling you that she has taken her first steps..... or I could be telling you for the next six months that she will walk any day now. I guess the rest is up to A.

Nobody knows a good nights sleep

We got our new bed today. We ordered a king size bed from an internet store and although it took three and a half very long weeks it finally came today. This was a purchase that has been needed for a very long time. Sometime in July Dave finally gave up the ghost and started sleeping on the couch. You see we were sleeping on a second hand full sized bed that was old 10 years ago. It had divots and dents that a body could literally get lost in. On top of that we co-sleep with A and so we had three ( even if one is very small) people crammed into that bed. There were nights that it was pure torture. It was only somewhat better when Dave moved out to the living room.
The thing is that Dave and I have missed sleeping in the same bed. I know I know I can hear you all saying " then get the kid out of the bed!" But Dave and I both are very happy with the attachment that co-sleeping has helped us to forge with our child. Not to mention when you live in a one bedroom house that is smaller than five hundred square feet total space is at a bit of a premium and we like that we only need one bed for all of us. ( And unless you have snuggled with a baby and felt that amazing bond you CANNOT know what you are missing.) When we went out of town and stayed in a hotel we had a king sized bed and at some points our child was sleeping between us with her head on Dave and her feet pushed onto me and.... neither Dave nor I were clinging to the edge of the bed for fear of falling. It was amazing. We had to have one.
And so A is sleeping in the middle of a king sized bed and I can hardly wait to get into the bed. I am not sure that i will know what to do if I wake up in the morning and I don't walk hunched over and with a limp for the first hour of the day. My fear is that none of us will be willing to get up in the morning. A took a nap in it this afternoon and christened it for us. After two and a half hours I heard her in there but she wasn't insisting that I come in with that strident voice that said " I want UP NOW!" Curious I went to look. There she was in the same place she had slept happy as a clam. I went and asked her if she wanted up and she looked at me like I was crazy. So I laid down next to her and we had a girl talk chat for fifteen minutes or so before my insanely active little girl wanted to even sit up... then she didn't want to get out of the bed. This is definitely boding well for a good nights sleep tonight.
So in about and hour I am going to crawl into my new bed with my husband and curl around my daughter as my husband curls around me to drift off into dream land, and right now I could not come up with a better definition of heaven.